Every December all the media talking heads start putting out their lists of the bests and worsts of the last year. I decided to try something different and look into the future. Today is December 9th, 2011. Let’s get to the soothsayin’ and see how right I am a year from now… Probably not very,…
In the toughest real estate search ever known, NASA has finally found a new planet that resembles Earth. It’s only 600 light years away, so you can pack light. Mostly because you’ll be dead before you get there. That really makes the trip seem shorter. They say the temperature averages 72 degrees. Just like Southern…
At the first Thanksgiving, the pilgrims had a cozy little dinner party with the native Americans. A people they were about to do battle with over the next few hundred years. Not unlike your own Thanksgiving dinner when you sit down with that aunt of yours that makes snarky comments about your weight when you…
Especially towards the end of the year, money can be tight. Gotta buy gifts for all those ingrates, right? So here’s some of my best money-saving tips to help shore up your finances. 1. Replace that expensive home alarm system with a loud audio recording of Samuel L. Jackson yelling, “I WILL KILL A MUTHAFUCKA!”…
There are a lot of printed materials that the internet has put an end to. Many of them I will miss when they’re gone, like books, magazines, or bar posters featuring beer girls. But I won’t be sad to see the greeting card industry take a dive. A greeting card is nothing but a piece…
It seems like every single town I visit has an “historic downtown”. Let me put it this way. There are an estimated 25,000 cities and towns in the USA. If you google “historic downtown” there are 25.2 million results. That’s 1000 pages of historic downtown-ness for every burg, big or small, in the whole country….
From what I know about pitching a movie to a studio, you should have a concise 2-3 sentence summary of what the movie is about. The dialogue and script can come later. Maybe. When you’re dealing with a world of mash-ups, reboots, and obscene product placement, things like dialogue and character development aren’t always at…
Singers do it… Actors do it… Talentless heiresses do it… Never before has a comedian had a signature line of cologne. so darn it, I will be the first. Trail blazer, that’s me…. Check out the commercial. Phil Johnson http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com http://www.facebook.com/philjohnsoncomedy
Scientists this week at the Geological Society of America Conference are debating whether we’ve entered a new epoch. For the last 10,000 years we’ve been hanging around the Holocene epoch and pretty much jacking the place up. They’d like to call this new epoch the Anthropocene, or the Age of Man, because of the geophysical…
Bees can only use their stinger once since it will rip their guts out through their butt and kill them. That makes me figure that a bee really needs to be pissed off to sting you. I don’t think he would be like, “That guy’s a Raiders fan….He’s going down.” But most people who get…
Every geek dreams of it. And not just hanging out with a dude dressed like a Star Wars character at ComicCon. But you know hanging out with some of these people/beings/things would be a hell of a lot of fun. Here’s my choices. 7. Han Solo – Duh… The dude has some great stories to…
I was doing a bit of research for a joke the other day (cuz I do that…) and discovered that there are parents stupid enough out there to give their kids the same name as a famous criminal. Case in point… Father Al Capone of St. Michael’s Parish School in Lowell, MA. Granted his first…
Ok, Yahoo posted this thing the other about jobs that pay over a hundred grand and don’t require a degree. Such as… Nuclear Power Reactor Operator… Oh man. The Simpson’s should have a much larger house then, shouldn’t they? A hundred grand would go a long way in Springfield. Or buy a lot of doughnuts. …
Nope, it’s the not the name of the latest riot-grrrl band… It’s an actual cupcake made by Chaos Bakery. I have a neighborhood potluck picnic coming up. I would give anything to be able to bring a box of these. And never say anything about them. She says it doesn’t matter what flavor cupcake you…
I’ve had this picture sitting on my computer for awhile and keep forgetting to post it. Ya gotta love it… By they way, that’s the club owner’s mom. 🙂 If you’re ever in Dublin, CA, stop by Bunjo’s Comedy Lounge and say hi to Isabel. Speaking of which, I’ll be headlining there this Saturday the…
I recently got back from my first trip to Hawaii. My girlfriend and love to eat on any trip, though we’re not really foodies. We’re too cheap to be real foodies. But we do enjoy checking out the local cuisine. She asked her more Hawaii-experienced friends what we should eat while there. They said, “Ooh,…
It’s story time kids!… Sometimes I feel just like a gerbil, running around and around on his wheel. It just never stops, does it? here I am sitting down to have a steamy bowl of jambalaya and the damn phone rings again. “Hello?” I say. “Alright yeah, I’ll be there in 15 minutes. No, she’s…
I was surfing last night (yes, on a perfectly legitimate site), and there was this ad for “7 Innocent Words That Turn Women On”. “Well,” I thought to myself, “In the interests of science and psychology, I should check this out.” They claim you can use a few normal little words in a perfectly innocent…
There is a thin line between really cool and “oh my god, did that just really happen?” After finding the number 1 video on this list the other day, I decided to go hunting for some other weird/cool/bizarre/awesome Disney cover songs. Let the madness begin… 10. From SaJ Production comes this cover of “Part Of…
I sometimes think about her. The robotic voice on the other end of 767-2676. She was the first person everyone would call after a power outage, because she knew what time it was. And not in a “Morris Day” kind of way. As a kid, the popcorn lady was always a safe phone call you…
I don’t envy the people that have to go through the job interview process. They always seem to demand more acting skill than any audition I’ve ever been on. I never really went through a real interview process like most people do. For one job, working at a Montgomery Ward, painting the place, my interview…
Yahoo Games recently did an article about the origins of Simon Says. My god, how it must be nice to have a paid journalism (?) job where you don’t have to deal with all the pesky news and current events stuff. Anyway, the article is at http://blog.games.yahoo.com/blog/775-simon-who-the-story-behind-a-playground-favorite Apparently, Simon used to be Cicero, the famous…
We have a neighbor we call Creepy Indian Guy. Not because he’s Indian. It’s because he’s creepy. He’s a starer. He spends a good part of the day hanging out in front of his house just staring at whatever apparently needs staring at. Like a super hero with laser eye powers that are on the…
