If you’ve been following my Instagram over the last few weeks you might have seen this little holiday series I created. If not, I’m compiling them here for your giggling pleasure. I wrote a bunch of these a couple years ago and had planned on doing them as video sketches. Tough to do this year….
Did you miss the Zoom show on Saturday? It was super fun! I won’t lie. I was a little nervous. It was the first run through of a new hour of material. And I’ve never written a new show this quickly before. So it was either going to be really good or really bad. Fortunately…
One of the side effects of being with a Singaporean girl is having to get used to spicy food. Before her it’s wasn’t my strong suit. I’m a firm “Mild” at Taco Bell. But I’ve gotten used to it over the years and I know if we go to a Thai restaurant I’ll come out…
You won’t believe the celebrities I’ve got in my new video! Seriously, you won’t believe it. While I’m working on a full-fledged video for “I Wanna Rock (Socially Responsibly)”, I put together a lyric video so you can follow along with all the jokey goodness. And things move too. Like a Harry Potter painting. But,…
I won’t lie. I’d love to be made into an action figure. They always make the abs way better looking than in real life. I’ll take plastic abs. But there have been quite a few action figures over the years that we just didn’t need. Such as.. Ron Howard I loved Happy Days as much…
You’ve seen all the background stuff on the string arrangement, the influences, the solo acoustic version, and the recording breakdown. And now the full version of “The Legend of Ms Garcia” is now available for download! Click here to listen, download, and share the song. You can also hit the player below to hear it….
The studio version of “The Legend of Ms Garcia will be available on Friday February 5th and I’m excited for you to hear it. Since we’ve had some behind the scenes peeks at the song here and here, I thought I’d give you an “in front of the scenes” look today. If you have my…
This is a little clippy clip about vampires from my latest comedy special “Pretty From The Back” I just can’t be scared of vampires from places like Forks, Mystic Falls, or Bon Temps. Here’s why. When I was a kid our vampires were rich aristocratic types who lived in a castle high in the Carpathian…
I’ve been reading a bit about the Dark Web lately. Particularly in a great (and long) book called Future Crimes. The Dark Web is a large section of the web that can only be accessed by the TOR browser which anonymizes all your internet activity. While it’s initial purpose was to help people protect their information online, it’s…
It’s that time of year again where stores open for longer hours and people go to great depths of debt and sleeplessness to create “joy”. And to accompany all that strfesstivity? (I made up a word! Yay!) The constant trickle of badly covered Christmas songs. Back when I worked in grocery stores, I had to…
I just realized it’s been awhile since I posted a blog here. Not for lack of writing. I spend 3-4 hours per day writing. Been working on new stand-up material and songs for my 4th comedy special. I’m about 15,000 words into the first draft of a novel. And I’m working on some sample pieces…
Have you seen this Playmobil pirate ship thing? Usually when a mother cries insensitivity about some toy her kid is playing with my first thought is “Calm down. You haven’t been damaged and neither has your kid.” And I’m not even mad about this one because I know Playmobil didn’t mean it to *exactly* look…
So the iPhone 6S is supposed to be out on September 25th. As usual I won’t be buying one. I’m nothing if not consistent. But I do wonder if the feature in this clip will be built into instead of an optional accessory. And if it is, be prepared for screaming butt dials. And yes,…
Internet journalism is becoming more and more like baby food. Easy to digest and chock full of 14 vitamins and inaccuracies. It’s only a matter of time before serious scientific research is forced to do the same. So I’m helping them get ahead of the curve. These 7 original headlines are courtesy of Science….
A long while back, we bought a house in the lovely suburb of Milpitas, CA. Now first of all, since we all need something new to be offended by, let’s try the word “suburb”. The prefix “sub” means less than. Which is calling my town somehow imperfect or below an urb. We have the same ethnic…
When they finally come up with the pill that will let us eat anything we want without gaining weight, lettuce can fuck right off. Those weeds and lawn clippings shall never touch these lips again. Because really, nobody actually likes leafy greens. You know how I know? Because nobody gets stoned and goes “Dude… Leeeeettuuuuce…” Waking…
So the NASA brainiacs recently discovered a planet, Kepler-452b, that they’ve dubbed Earth 2.0. Of course it’s 1400 light years away. So I wouldn’t start packing your bags and burning bridges just yet. Sure the real estate there is still cheap. But just try to find a buying agent. Darn near impossible. Though I can…
I’m always looking for new places to put my creativity to work. And as I’ve been listening to interviews with really successful people, one of the things they mostly have in common is some sort of daily meditation. So I’ve been trying to maintain a meditation regimen myself. There are lots of different kinds, but…
Everyone hates robocalls. And yet they must work or companies would stop using them. So I figure the perverts of the world are going to need to modernize too. Take a listen below to hear what happens.
I was helping a friend move and we were taking a couch down some stairs. I said, “Watch those stairs. They’re dangerous.” And he gave me the “Danger is my middle name” line. Why would you want Danger as a middle name? Nobody uses your middle name except your mom and the government. “Philip Danger…
Well, it only took 4 years of writing and another year of refinement and production… If you’re counting, that’s half my comedy career so far… Yikes. But “Pretty From The Back” is finally available! Everyone that took advantage of the pre-order deal should be receiving their copies within the next couple days. If you didn’t…
According to this post over at Geek.com, Kanye West is developing a video game that has the player getting Kanye’s dead mom to the highest gate of Heaven by holding her to the light. Kanye’s dear mother Donda passed away in 2007. If she’s not there by now… Besides, Kanye already proclaimed “I Am God”…
The Wall Street Journal did a study showing that a 3 hour baseball game only has 18 minutes of actual action. The rest is pretty much standing around. That would be like me telling a joke and then hanging out for 6 minutes spitting and adjusting my jock strap. And they make 100 times more…
