Danger Is My Middle Name

Nobody's quite sure where the line first originated. But this guy influenced a whole generation of parrots.

Nobody’s quite sure where the line first originated. But this guy influenced a whole generation of parrots.

I was helping a friend move and we were taking a couch down some stairs.  I said, “Watch those stairs. They’re dangerous.”  And he gave me the “Danger is my middle name” line.

Why would you want Danger as a middle name? Nobody uses your middle name except your mom and the government. “Philip Danger Johnson, get in here!”

“Will the defendant, Philip Danger Johnson, please rise.”

Middle names are often given to honor a relative. Which means you’d have an Uncle Danger hanging around somewhere.  And that just sounds creepy.  Uncle Danger sounds like he has some naughty files on his laptop.

If you’re going to have a cool name like Danger, it should be in a place where people will notice it.  Make it your surname. “We’re the Danger family”.  Inflict that on generations to come.

But then you have to think about what kind of danger your family is known for.  Does your family crest have a sword and medal of valor?  Or does it have a big mouth and hand cuffs?

Maybe your family crest has a pen and political office.

So if you’re going to make Danger your last name, the middle name should say what kind of danger.  My name? Philip Small Chance of Injury Danger.  Philip Not The Kind That Gets You Arrested Danger.

Which leads to another interesting thread.  Our names aren’t very descriptive anymore.  Your surname used to say something about who you are.  Either you’re the son of someone – Johnson, Thompson, Paulson.

Or it told people what your family’s business was. Carpenter, Shepherd, Archer.

We don’t get that kind of guidance anymore.  I want to meet a guy named Steve Greeter.  Steve Walmart Greeter.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Walmart employment contract requires you to give your child that middle name.

Or you could just go all out and sell your last name to the highest bidder like this guy.

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