Yep, I totally meant to write this post a week ago when the trailer came out.  But it didn’t happen somehow.  So now….

If you haven’t seen the trailer for the new Star Wars film yet, you’re probably not reading this post anyway, because you don’t have electricity or friends.  But just in case…

Ok, so… Lots of cool stuff there right?  The crazy sith lightsaber?  The Millenium Falcon still zooming along 30 years later?  The soccer ball robot?  I’m going to have “pew pew” laser dreams for the next 12 months.

Here are some plot points I’d love to see in the new film (that probably won’t be in there…)

1. Chewbacca takes a shot to the shoulder and in order to treat him, they need to shave most of his chest.  I picture him looking something like this:

2. Princess Leia, Han Solo, and Luke Skywalker are sitting around a table over cups of caf and Luke laughs and says, “Hey Leia! Remember that one weird time you kissed me and then we totally found out we were siblings?” followed by nervous laughter and an awkward silence.

3. Somewhere in the background of a shot of the interior of the Falcon… a Jar Jar Binks dart board.

4. Three words…. Sith Bollywood Number.  Come on.  You know you want to see it.

Ok, maybe not….

5. Maybe it’ll be in the DVD extras, but we need to see C3PO flub a line and then drop and F-bomb.

6. Any… and I mean any… reference to the Star Wars Holiday Special.  I don’t care if it’s Life Day, Chewie’s creepy dad Itchy, or Bea Arthur.

7. The comic relief characters always seem to be on the good guy side.  We need a sort of inept Sith Lord who regularly opens his lightsaber pointing the right direction.

Ok, there we go.  7 things that would make Star Wars VII and infinitely better and worse movie.  And would make me happy.  Gotta run off to tell some jokes for money… Until next time friends…