10 Action Figures We Probably Didn’t Need

I won’t lie. I’d love to be made into an action figure. They always make the abs way better looking than in real life. I’ll take plastic abs.

But there have been quite a few action figures over the years that we just didn’t need.  Such as..

Ron Howard Richie Cunningham Action Figure
Ron Howard

I loved Happy Days as much as the next kid. But I’m not quite sure what you’d do with the Richie Cunningham figure.  I guess just make it drink milkshakes and say, “Gee, Fonz” over and over again.  Ron Howard wishes he had that hair.

 

 

 
Donald TrumpDonald Trump Action Figure

Once again, the fake hair looks way better than the real stuff.  The Donald Trump figure talks.  Of course it does.  And I’m sure it blames the Mexicans.  I’m also sure this was probably manufactured in China and not by great American workers.

Now that I think of it, this doll would probably do a better job as president than the real Trump.

 

 

 

Sigmund Freud Action FigureSigmund Freud

Can’t afford a therapist?  Tired of your current therapist interrupting your crying sessions with stupid questions about your mother?  The Sigmund Freud action figure will be your new best friend.  Comes with a cigar that’s just a cigar.  Or is it?

 

 

 

 

Miles Davis Action FigureMiles Davis

An electrifying musician who rarely spoke and played with his back to the audience.  You too can go on an adventure with Miles Davis through the seediest parts of the jazz world.  Though it will mostly consist of Miles disliking people.

Incidentally the guy that created this one did a great job.  Really, who takes the time to sculpt a tiny folding chair?

 

 

 

Danny Trejo Machete Action FigureDanny Trejo

Ok, I take it back.  EVERYONE needs a Danny Trejo as Machete action figure.  This should be the one you give your newborn infant while they’re still in swaddling.

 

 

 

Alan Alda Hawkeye Action FigureAlan Alda

Love MASH. Love Alan Alda.  Not really sure what action he’s supposed to be involved in.  Maybe just sexually harassing nurses?

The only less actiony MASH character might be Father Mulcahey.  He only has the super power of worrying.

Now a Klinger action figure….

Woody Allen Action FigureWoody Allen

There really aren’t a lot of action figures based on nervous Jews that marry their adopted daughters.

This one comes with a video.

 

Napoleon Bonaparte Action FigureNapoleon Bonaparte

It’s been conjectured that Napoleon had a stomach ulcer. Hence the pose with the hand in his shirt.  I’ll bet GI Joe never had a stomach ulcer.

The latest Han Solo figure might have a bad back or something though.  But he won’t attack Russia.

 

 
Millard Fillmore Action FigureMillard Fillmore

We’re going to just have to assume this figure looks like Millard Fillmore.  Not only because of the musty plastic bag, but also because who the hell knows what Millard Fillmore looks like?

Fun fact: Millard Fillmore was the last president to be neither a Republican nor Democrat.  He was a Whig.  As opposed to Donald Trump, who is a Wig.

 

 

 

 

Maharma Ghandi Action Figure

Mahatma Ghandi

Mom: What are you playing, honey?

Son: Hunger strike!

 

 

 

 

 

Ring Girl Action FigureRing Girl

Sure there are lots of figures of horror movie characters.  But the Ring girl?  Hell no.  I don’t want that anywhere near my house.  Not until she learns how to brush the hair out of her face.

Pretty sure I bought a DVD player after watching that movie so I’d never have to insert a VHS again.

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“The Legend of Ms Garcia” Now Available!

GarciaCover400x400You’ve seen all the background stuff on the string arrangement, the influences, the solo acoustic version, and the recording breakdown.

And now the full version of “The Legend of Ms Garcia” is now available for download!

Click here to listen, download, and share the song.

You can also hit the player below to hear it.

Listening makes you cool.  Sharing makes you awesome!

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The Breakdown of Ms Garcia

msgarciabreakdownthumbWe’re almost to the release of the “The Legend of Ms Garcia”.  I had to do some different stuff and learn a few new tricks while recording this track.  And I thought it would be fun to take you into the studio and break the song down to show you all the moving parts.
I just realized the title of this post could be a song of its own.

If you missed the other posts about the 80’s Mexican Soap Opera Mix, the influences on the song, or the solo acoustic version, you can click those links to check them out.

Update: The official recording of “The Legend of Ms Garcia” is now available! Click here to check it out or hit the player below.

Check out the video below where you can see both the inner workings of the new single and what a colossal mess my desk is.

By the way, I was inspired to do this by a great podcast called Song Exploder.  Not sure Hrishikesh Hirway, the host of the show, would be a fan of my music, but I love the idea.

 

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Solo Acoustic Version of “The Legend of Ms Garcia”

Phil singing The Legend of Ms GarciaThe studio version of “The Legend of Ms Garcia will be available on Friday February 5th and I’m excited for you to hear it.

Since we’ve had some behind the scenes peeks at the song here and here, I thought I’d give you an “in front of the scenes” look today.

If you have my latest comedy special “Pretty From The Back” you may have already seen this.  Unless you bought it and haven’t watched it yet.  In which case, thank goodness for second chances, right?

To be honest, my voice sounds a little worn out in this clip.  I’d already done 45 or 50 minutes of telling jokes and that tends to wear on the ‘ol vocal chords a bit. 🙂

With the studio version of the song you’ll hear next week I was able to approach it with a fresh voice and really give it the heft it deserves.

Update: The official recording of “The Legend of Ms Garcia” is now available! Click here to check it out or hit the player below.

If you haven’t yet gotten my latest comedy special, you can download the video and audio here, or give it a listen below.

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Where did Ms Garcia Come From?

Mexican calendar girlsMy favorite songs that I’ve written are the ones that come with a visual story attached to them.  At least in my head, even if I never get around to doing a video for them.

“The Legend of Ms Garcia”, which will be released on February 5th, is one of those songs.  It’s about my high school Spanish teacher who had a… reputation of sorts.

When I compose I usually have other influences in mind.  In this case, one of them was Mexican calendar girls were popular in the 1930’s-1960’s, much like the one above and this one.

Update: The official recording of “The Legend of Ms Garcia” is now available! Click here to check it out or hit the player below.

 

Mexican calendar girls

I’ll often be influenced by some song or style that I don’t necessarily know a lot about.  But I can use it as a sort of template that I do my own thing with.  For “Ms Garcia” that was the theme song from Disney’s Zorro films from the late 1950’s.

By the way, if you’ve never seen those old Zorro films, there a ton of fun.  I still rewatch them periodically.

“The Legend of Ms Garcia” will be out on February 5th.  Be sure to sign up in the little box below and I’ll let you know when it’s out.  Plus you’ll get a bunch of free downloads of my best stuff!

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