The First Time Music Scared The Crap Out Of Me

Motley Crue

Somewhere waaaaaay down there is Motley Crue.

I went to see Motley Crue and Alice Cooper the other night.  That was the music of my teenage years and you get stuck with that through your whole life.  It’s why my parents still listen to Roy Orbison, 90′s kids will always listen to Nirvana and Tupac, and some poor child today is going to be stuck with Iggy Azalea for the rest of their lives.

My New Super Power

Me with glasses. And completely different DNA.

I went for an eye exam the other day because I hadn’t had one in years.  I don’t wear glasses or anything, but my right eye has been a mess since I was a kid. I managed to get some sort of eye infection in that same eye at least once a year.  I’ll tell you, having one eye all puffy and glued closed really pulls in the ladies.

So, if I look at you just through my right eye, you’ll be a total blur and I can imagine you to be anything I want you to be.  Just for the record, you’re usually a large cheeseburger.

How I Made A Good Bad Decision

Is that a terrible idea I hear?

Is that a terrible idea I hear?

Sometimes you’re presented with an idea that in every way looks like a bad idea.  And yet you still consider going along with it. My recent reality show experience is an example.

Another example is the evening I was playing a casino gig that was really out in the boonies.  A large contingent of the audience was from the nearby nudist camp.  Yes, they were wearing clothes or I’m pretty sure the casino wouldn’t have let them in. No shirt, no shoes, no pants, no service.  Now, there are people that you’d like to see at a nudist camp and there are people you expect to see at a nudist camp.

7 Ways To Recoup The Cost of Your Hotel Room

hotel roomHotel rooms can be expensive. Luckily I’m usually staying at a hotel on the comedy club’s dime.  But sometimes I have to pay for my own.  Here are 7 ways you can recoup the cost of your hotel room.

1. For hotels that don’t already offer it, leave two bottles of water with a sign that says $1 before you check out. If the hotel already offers water for sale, change the sign and add your own markup to it. Still figuring out how to collect this one.

I’m a Squirrel!

squirrelBecause I don’t sit still very well, one of my side gigs is doing voiceover work.  Most of the projects aren’t all that exciting.  Car dealership commercials, industrials.  I was the voice for a series of commercials for a Texas orthodontist.  Real glamorous stuff. :)

But this recent one I did for the power company in Iowa was kind of fun.  So I thought I’d show it to you.  Plus I’ve got fans in Iowa and now they can go, “We saw that squirrel tell dick jokes at the club!”