We all dream for years of owning our own little homestead. And when you get it, it’s exhilarating. Then begins the eternal quest to keep the damn thing from falling apart. Remember when you made a fort out of couch cushions when you were a kid? Those were more stable than many houses. Those old…
I just saw this article on the possibility of AT&T and T-Mobile merging their cell phone services. And really, what is the internet for if not a place to vent about companies we hate, eh? 1. No more unlimited data plans. AT&T discovered that people actually like to use the product they buy and decided…
Over the years I’ve licensed some of my songs for use in movies. And people always ask me which movies? To which I answer, “Terrible ones.” I’ve been a part of films that would make Norbert look like Citizen Kane. Films that make a YouTube cat video look like a Scorcese film. Films that would…
Since we’ll probably be doing some benefit events to help victims of the Japanese earthquake soon, I figured I’d put forward my ideas for having a really successful benefit event. Don’t you think more people would participate in fundraising ventures if the activities were fun? “Hey, we’re raising money to cure breast cancer. Want to…
Now that my latest DVD has been released, I need to write a new show. And, as usual, I have no idea what the themes will be or what it will consist of. It’s the proverbial blank page that now expects me to drop some important thoughts on it. And I’ve been working on a…
I’ve been thinking about immigrants and the way they assimilate into American society. It used to be that groups would come here, live in abhorrent conditions and work their way up. I’m thinking of the Italians and Irish living in Four Points, African Americans in Brooklyn, Asians in a variety of Chinatowns and gold mining…
I’m not a member of NARAS. Over the years, I’ve repeatedly thought about joining and always decided it wasn’t worth the money. And there’s plenty for people both inside and outside the music industry to dislike about NARAS. But in light of last night’s Grammys and the collective response of “Who?” to some of the…
If there were ever a testament to the current climate of social media and customer feedback, it’s this one. Disney should be thanking their lucky stars for the feedback they got on the Disney World Fantasyland expansion after they premiered the plans at the D23 Expo last year. The rallying cry? “Too many damn princesses!”…
I’m very excited because you’re sharing in two “firsts” with me today. This is my first music video! All my other videos have been live performance things, but this one has a storyline and everything. 🙂 Second, this is the first time I’ve ever written a song, hoping people will hate it… You know those…
Each year Google posts their zeitgeist lists. All the biggest stuff that people were searching for all year. Apparently in 2010 most people were concerned with wasting their time to a soundtrack of marginal music. 1. Chatroulette (seen at left) – Proving once again that if your business model focuses on perverts and teenage girls,…
Apparently Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez are an item these days. Don’t look at me that way. My girlfriend told me about it. By the way she’s 18, he’s 16. Way to get yourself an older woman, JB. And now Selena Gomez is getting death threats. Here’s a little selection I picked up from TMZ….
In my shows I’ve talked about how in the next 300-400 years, human beings will be completely hairless. And we certainly are hastening that process along. Shaving, waxing, et al. Especially for men. Just 30 years ago, body hair on a man was a desirable feature. Tom Selleck’s whole career was based on the fur…
I drove past a Rite Aid this morning and they had a sign out for $24.99 flu shots. I have no idea if that’s a good price for a flu shot or not. But the pricing scheme of $X.99 is a trick to reel in bargain hunters. Much like the “9/10” added to gas prices….
One of my favorite Xmas things when I was a kid was setting up the Nativity scene on our fireplace mantle. I told my girlfriend that I kind of miss doing that part. She said “I thought you didn’t buy into those stories.” True ’nuff. As I mentioned last year in this blog, Xmas is…
The Idiot’s Guide and Dummies books have been a useful resource for years now. I’ve read quite a few myself. However, there are some odd ones out there that have caught my eye. 1. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the World of Harry Potter The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the World of Narnia – Why…
The other day I saw a sex shop that went out of business. You know life is difficult when you can’t sell enough blow up party sheep and “back massagers” to feed your kids. Apparently when the economy is down people forgo sex toys and porn DVDs and go back to buying cucumbers and spying…
Actually ” The Anorexic Mannequins” sounds like a cool band name, now that I think about it. Anyway, I was at the mall the other day and one of the store mannequins in the window was wearing a pair of jeans so tight that they had to leave the top button undone. How is that…
Long ago when I was working in grocery stores doing resets, the holiday season made me want to tear my ears off with a rusty box opener rather than listen to another horrible version of some cheeseball Christmas song over the stores PA system. You haven’t understood pain and misery until you’ve heard the instrumental…
My blog post on truck nuts has been one of my most popular. So much so that it’s turned into one of the signature bits in my stage show too. So today, a very condensed version (for the attention deficit YouTube generation) of “Truck Nuts” from my DVD “Be Yourself…Unless You’re An Idiot”. Click that…
“It’s a bird! It’s a plane!” Nope, it’s your fat ass laying on the couch in a Superman Snuggie. “Able to eat a whole bag of Funyons in a single chow!” This is the kind of product that just irritates me, much like truck nuts. How can you even imagine yourself lazing about watching Maury…
This article in the San Jose Mercury caught my eye yesterday. It seems that at some kids soccer games you’re not allowed to cheer anymore. That’s right Dad and Mom, sit in silence while your kid runs his little ass up and down the field. The goal is mostly to stop parents from yelling inappropriate…
I was reading an interview with someone once (totally can’t remember who) and he said one of this goals in life was to never have to wear a neck tie. Amen brother. I’ve kept to that myself over the years. When I was kid, I had a couple of those clip-on jobbies. And I had…
The ancient Egyptians and other societies used to bury their dead with their possessions so they’d be fully equipped for the afterlife. We have to be thankful that we don’t do that anymore. I don’t want to show up in the afterlife with a Dell running Windows 95 and a flip phone. Otherwise there would…
I heard the word “whore” on TV the other night. And I thought it was odd that you can say that, but not other offensive words. I suppose the word wasn’t originally offensive though. It was just like “hooker”. But it has since become politically incorrect, at least. Not that I’m totally against the word. …
