Over the years I’ve licensed some of my songs for use in movies. And people always ask me which movies? To which I answer, “Terrible ones.” I’ve been a part of films that would make Norbert look like Citizen Kane. Films that make a YouTube cat video look like a Scorcese film. Films that would…
Since we’ll probably be doing some benefit events to help victims of the Japanese earthquake soon, I figured I’d put forward my ideas for having a really successful benefit event. Don’t you think more people would participate in fundraising ventures if the activities were fun? “Hey, we’re raising money to cure breast cancer. Want to…
I’ve been thinking about immigrants and the way they assimilate into American society. It used to be that groups would come here, live in abhorrent conditions and work their way up. I’m thinking of the Italians and Irish living in Four Points, African Americans in Brooklyn, Asians in a variety of Chinatowns and gold mining…
I’m very excited because you’re sharing in two “firsts” with me today. This is my first music video! All my other videos have been live performance things, but this one has a storyline and everything. 🙂 Second, this is the first time I’ve ever written a song, hoping people will hate it… You know those…
Each year Google posts their zeitgeist lists. All the biggest stuff that people were searching for all year. Apparently in 2010 most people were concerned with wasting their time to a soundtrack of marginal music. 1. Chatroulette (seen at left) – Proving once again that if your business model focuses on perverts and teenage girls,…
Apparently Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez are an item these days. Don’t look at me that way. My girlfriend told me about it. By the way she’s 18, he’s 16. Way to get yourself an older woman, JB. And now Selena Gomez is getting death threats. Here’s a little selection I picked up from TMZ….
In my shows I’ve talked about how in the next 300-400 years, human beings will be completely hairless. And we certainly are hastening that process along. Shaving, waxing, et al. Especially for men. Just 30 years ago, body hair on a man was a desirable feature. Tom Selleck’s whole career was based on the fur…
I drove past a Rite Aid this morning and they had a sign out for $24.99 flu shots. I have no idea if that’s a good price for a flu shot or not. But the pricing scheme of $X.99 is a trick to reel in bargain hunters. Much like the “9/10” added to gas prices….
One of my favorite Xmas things when I was a kid was setting up the Nativity scene on our fireplace mantle. I told my girlfriend that I kind of miss doing that part. She said “I thought you didn’t buy into those stories.” True ’nuff. As I mentioned last year in this blog, Xmas is…
The Idiot’s Guide and Dummies books have been a useful resource for years now. I’ve read quite a few myself. However, there are some odd ones out there that have caught my eye. 1. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the World of Harry Potter The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the World of Narnia – Why…
The other day I saw a sex shop that went out of business. You know life is difficult when you can’t sell enough blow up party sheep and “back massagers” to feed your kids. Apparently when the economy is down people forgo sex toys and porn DVDs and go back to buying cucumbers and spying…
Actually ” The Anorexic Mannequins” sounds like a cool band name, now that I think about it. Anyway, I was at the mall the other day and one of the store mannequins in the window was wearing a pair of jeans so tight that they had to leave the top button undone. How is that…
Long ago when I was working in grocery stores doing resets, the holiday season made me want to tear my ears off with a rusty box opener rather than listen to another horrible version of some cheeseball Christmas song over the stores PA system. You haven’t understood pain and misery until you’ve heard the instrumental…
“It’s a bird! It’s a plane!” Nope, it’s your fat ass laying on the couch in a Superman Snuggie. “Able to eat a whole bag of Funyons in a single chow!” This is the kind of product that just irritates me, much like truck nuts. How can you even imagine yourself lazing about watching Maury…
This article in the San Jose Mercury caught my eye yesterday. It seems that at some kids soccer games you’re not allowed to cheer anymore. That’s right Dad and Mom, sit in silence while your kid runs his little ass up and down the field. The goal is mostly to stop parents from yelling inappropriate…
I was reading an interview with someone once (totally can’t remember who) and he said one of this goals in life was to never have to wear a neck tie. Amen brother. I’ve kept to that myself over the years. When I was kid, I had a couple of those clip-on jobbies. And I had…
The ancient Egyptians and other societies used to bury their dead with their possessions so they’d be fully equipped for the afterlife. We have to be thankful that we don’t do that anymore. I don’t want to show up in the afterlife with a Dell running Windows 95 and a flip phone. Otherwise there would…
I heard the word “whore” on TV the other night. And I thought it was odd that you can say that, but not other offensive words. I suppose the word wasn’t originally offensive though. It was just like “hooker”. But it has since become politically incorrect, at least. Not that I’m totally against the word. …
…and I don’t mean Napoleon Dynamite. Though the same could probably be said about him. Despite the fact that Napoleon Bonaparte was an asshole in every way, he did manage to create an iconic look for himself. And more people remember that look than remember the things he did. Branding, my friends… I speak of…
A mattress store in my town is running a promotion. “We’ll beat our competitor’s price or your mattress is free!” I would love to meet the moronic salesman who would give you a free mattress because he couldn’t beat the price of the guy across the street. In fact, I’m in the market for a…
An Open Letter To The World From Satan. Dear World, I’ve been watching what’s going on. I get my Yahoo news just like the rest of you yahoos. And I’m getting pretty tired of it. Look, everyone seems to think that I’m the evil one in this game. But all this war and crap? Everyone’s…
I believe that segregation is a good thing in some circumstances. For instance women have their baby showers, men… do not. Men feel out of place at a baby shower. It’s like asking women to attend a tool show, during a football game, inside an auto parts store. Men don’t want to taste test baby…
If you look into some of the population numbers from the time period, Jesus had influence over less than 10,000 people at the time of his death. And as we also know, some of those people didn’t like him very much. On the other hand, Nirvana sold over 25 million records before Kurt Cobain died. …
I’ve been reading about Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani and her sentence of being stoned to death for adultery. First of all, for you potheads out there, that doesn’t mean she smokes until she passes out. She’ll be buried up to her neck in the dirt while people hurl rocks at her head. Because she got laid……
