I was at a concert recently and the restroom had one of those long trough urinals. The kind that make you go, “Oh, I guess we ARE cattle”. The kind that could only be more primitive if actual trees were planted in it for you to pee on.

And, like they sometimes do, the urinal was filled with ice, which keeps the smell down I guess. Or it’s connected to the Icee machine at the concessions tent. Don’t get the lemon Icee.

I thought, “Man this would be way better if they used dry ice.” You’d walk into a restroom and see a guy at the urinal surrounded in a mysterious smokey fog.  Like an outtake from Lord of the Rings.

And the first time you see it you might think, “That brave man just put out a fire in the urinal.”

But once you know, it would be a super fun special effects show in the restroom. That’s what’s been missing in the men’s room. Production values.

Throw in some cool lighting… A strobe light maybe. How awesome will that last shake look with a strobe?

They could have a motion sensor that catches a large arm movement and plays a giant power chord… “Drzooom!”

No Disco balls. Disco ball is too romantic. We don’t want this to get weird.

And then you flush and a huge banner drops down with your name on it. “Steve!” And a skull with a relaxed and satisfied look on its face.

Then from the stall next to you…BOOM!… No, he didn’t have Indian food.  It’s pyrotechnics! It’ll be the only time you actually want to see a guy come out of a stall and go “Oh man, you gotta see this thing!”

And finally… with all that…, men will have a reason to stay in the restroom for nearly as long as women.