Hotel rooms can be expensive. Luckily I’m usually staying at a hotel on the comedy club’s dime. But sometimes I have to pay for my own. Here are 7 ways you can recoup the cost of your hotel room. 1. For hotels that don’t already offer it, leave two bottles of water with a sign…
July 31st, 2014 is National Uncommon Instrument Awareness Day. Who knew, right? Check out the PSA I created below to support those who dedicate their life to uncommon musical instruments. Because really, tuba players, ocarina virtuoso’s, and whoever plays that thing in the picture at the left need friends. That also happens to be the…
Disney dorks are legion. At the theme parks they often blend in the with the rest of the Mickey-clad crowd. Until you spend some time talking to them in a line and discover that they go to the park 20 times per year. If you’re friends with a Disney dork, chances are you know it…
Out on a walk, I came upon a bridge over a small stream. As I stepped forward to cross the bridge, I heard a voice call out, “What are you, stupid?” I turned to look to see who said it, but didn’t see anyone. As I turned back to the bridge I was confronted by…
What’s a half geek? Well, as geeky as I consider myself… ie. my office is plastered with Disney and pirate stuff and I’d probably rather watch Star Wars than kiss a girl (ok, that one’s a toss up…), I don’t feel nearly geek enough when I’m around real geeks. You know the real hardcore geek…
Since Disney’s been so into backstories lately, I thought it might be fun to speculate on the possible backgrounds of other Disney villains. I’d really love to have a go at Captain Hook’s story, but they did his origin in one of the Tinkerbell movies in 2014. In that context, I can almost guarantee mine…
I originally sat down to write a post about Miley Cyrus and how she’s more of a clown than anything Ringling Brothers can offer. Or maybe how there’s so much pitch correction on her album that it sounds like even the studio Pro-Tools rig was going, “Who is stabbing this poor woman in the throat…
I was at a concert recently and the restroom had one of those long trough urinals. The kind that make you go, “Oh, I guess we ARE cattle”. The kind that could only be more primitive if actual trees were planted in it for you to pee on. And, like they sometimes do, the urinal…
For the most part, I’ve taken to watching TV shows after they finish their run. Then there’s no waiting for a new season and losing sleep over a cliffhanger. Mostly because I find it exceedingly dumb to lose sleep over a TV show. Right now I’m in the midst of both Lost and The Office. …
I was reflecting on childhood music recitals this morning. I had to do them when I was a kid. And I was a pretty shy little kid. The idea of getting up in front of a bunch of people and doing something that might involve mistakes was not my idea of fun. Originally I was…
I get out to Las Vegas usually a couple times a year to perform. And still my favorite Las Vegas casino name is the Ellis Island Casino. It’s the perfect name for a casino because both casinos and the original Ellis Island gave the same message. “The promise of financial freedom followed by years of…
Have you ever considered the plight of the poor microphone? That poor little device that has to deal people screaming at it constantly and beer (and lord knows what else) breath? It’s a tough job for the little guy. So as I was tracking the vocals for my next single, I thought it might be…
Colony Collapse Disorder is a thing that beekeepers have to deal with when a bunch of their bees skip town. Kind of like when you call in sick on a work day and then go to the beach. Except for you go back to work. The bees move to Minnesota and live under and assumed…
One evening I was watching a movie with my girlfriend and, in the film, the guy was serenading the girl. A tender little love song with an acoustic guitar. And my girlfriend turned to me and said, “How come you never serenade me?” My first thought was to give her my price for a booking. …
I overheard a lady in a restaurant recently tell her friends, “I like to dip my fries in my milkshake! I’m so crazy!” Mm, yeah. Lithium time for her. Look, when you start dipping the severed limbs of your victims in your milkshake, then we can talk crazy. I think everyone likes to fancy themselves…
When I first started writing comedy music, there was one thing I swore I wasn’t going to do. Parodies. Why? Because so many of them are so terrible. As one friend put it, “Replace ‘heart’ with ‘fart’ and there’s your parody.” Not exactly high brow stuff, right? Besides, nobody does parody better than Weird Al…
3D printing is coming, my friends. And I’m ready for it. Now you may have heard about the guys that are already printing guns with these things (that don’t work super great yet, but it’s early). And I think that’s super weird. Throughout the history of the world, the first use of every new media…
I was reading Money magazine yesterday (who’s financially literate? I am!) and there’s an ad for a new testosterone drug called Axiron. I would love to be the guy that gets paid to make up drug names. Drubitan. Manilol. Hmm… Maybe that second one sounds like a cure for Barry Manilow fans. Axiron sounds like…
By now you’ve probably discovered that I make a pretty ugly woman based on the video of my new song, “If I Were A Girl”. It’s below if you haven’t seen it yet. A lot of people have asked if I’ll be making a habit of wearing makeup. The answer is an emphatic “No.” I’m…
I always find interesting the things that people decorate their cars with. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they decorate their vehicle. A little Fender sticker means their a guitar player. A Mickey Mouse antenna ball is a sign of a Disney fan. A Monster energy drink sticker lets you…
I was never good at having regular jobs. Mostly for the same reasons I wouldn’t have been good in the military. I have long hair, flat feet, and I don’t take orders well. Though most interviewers don’t ask about your feet problems. That might be a little too much at a first interview. Unless you’re…
I think it’s finally happened. The far left and far right have finally come full circle and met in a supernova of idiocy on the farthest side from logic. This morning I woke to the first story in my Flipboard feed (I gotta remember not to look at the news in the morning) about Tim…
It’s that time of year when grocery stores start putting out BBQ supplies and 4th of July decorations and all the department stores start blowing out bikinis to make room for winter coats! Easter! Yep, it’s the day we celebrate the Romans brutally murdering a dude who seemed to be a nice enough guy and…
I don’t like when companies sell things based on fear. We have one of those home alarm systems, and I have no idea why. We live in a nice middle class neighborhood. It’s not like I’m famous enough to have stalkers (yet… Anyone? Anyone?) And if you were stalking me, you’d probably be fairly disappointed…
