When 80’s Metal Comes To Town

Being a child of the 80’s, it was hard to miss out on the hair metal scene.  I had my black leather jacket, spiky bracelets, and t-shirts with scary band logos on them.  We’d all wake up on Sunday morning with no voice and a sore neck.

But, as is usual with me, I was never completely “in” the scene.  I wasn’t a drinker or drugger (is that a word?).  And I never really was into hanging out with people that did that stuff.  Not a wild kid at all, so it was just the music for me.

And a lot of these bands are still touring.  I didn’t catch any of the shows this last summer, but I’ve been to plenty and the people that crawl out from under the rocks for these shows amaze me in their non-change-ness.

They start to appear like ants at a picnic.  And you always see some guy you hung out with years ago and haven’t seen since.

Any they all show up with the battle cry… “Yeah, rock dude!”

Here comes Steve with his pristine Twisted Sister t-shirt from the ’85 tour.  He’s accessorized it with his leather biker jacket with fringe.  And of course, acid washed jeans with holes in the knees.

His wife Stacy is with him, squeezed into her spandex pants that didn’t fit in ’88 and she’s gained 40 pounds since then.  It looks like the Michelin Man passed out in her pants.

Now they have kids and they’ve dragged them along too.  Steven Jr., at the age of six, is sporting a rockin’ mullet complete with tail.  He’s wearing a “My dad fucking rocks” t-shirt and his very own jeans with holes in the knees.  In another 10 years, Steven Jr. will see a photo of himself on this day and vow to kill his parents.

And in a stroller coated with the crumbs of a thousand cookies is little Evan, sporting a two year old faux hawk and a t-shirt that reads, “My parents screwed and all I got was born.”

By the end of the show they will leave as a happy family all covered in sweat and beer.

Phil Johnson

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