Wedding Gifts Are Outdated

I think wedding gifts are an outdated idea.  It used to be that young kids were getting married and you gave them gifts because they had no household stuff.  But most people wait longer to marry now.  They’ve been living on their own for years and they’ve got all the stuff they need.  She supplies her Hello Kitty placemats that she took from home.  And he brings along his plaid couch with the cigarette burns in it.  Nobody really NEEDS a $100 pizza pan.

Weddings are the time when you get to take advantage of your friends and relatives by registering at all the most expensive stores in town.

“Hey, let’s register at Nordstrom so our friend Phil can buy us a $300 fondue pot.  And in return we shall treat him to a buffet meal and the Chicken Dance.”

Then, not only do you have to buy a wedding gift, but a bridal shower gift too.  That’s like getting a birthday gift and an un-birthday gift.

And don’t get me started on the new trend of co-ed bridal showers.  Ladies, if you ever had an inkling that maybe men don’t care that much for wedding, you can be sure as can be that we don’t care about the bridal shower.

For the sake of fairness, where exactly is the groomal shower?  The bride gets a shower, a bachelorette party and a wedding.  Guys do it right, I suppose.  One bachelor party.  No gifts.  Because men know that the greatest gift one can give is a lap dance.

All the gifts are for women anyway.  The registry never includes a foosball table.

This is why, as the bride exits the church, we get to throw things at her.  Rice, crackers, whatever they allow now.
“That’s for the $75 teapot girlie!”

You don’t need gifts when you married.  You need gifts when you get divorced, after that bastard/that bitch took everything.

“Hey man, just got divorced.”
“Oh, man, sorry to hear.  Where are you registered?”
“Macy’s dude.  Got my eye on a wicked foosball table.”

Phil Johnson

Song of the Day:  Get Any
You know when you get home at night after a long day and you offer up a warm embrace to your loved one? And they give you that special look that tells you exactly what kind of night it’s going to be?

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