The Superman Snuggie – Downfall of Western Civilization

“It’s a bird!  It’s a plane!”   Nope, it’s your fat ass laying on the couch in a Superman Snuggie.

“Able to eat a whole bag of Funyons in a single chow!”

This is the kind of product that just irritates me, much like truck nuts.  How can you even imagine yourself lazing about watching Maury Povich while dressed like a super hero?  If you can, you’ve missed the point.

I guarantee you that Superman never had Cheeto stains on his uniform.  Nor did he ever have pockets for a remote control.  In fact, I’m pretty sure he had no pockets at all, or we’d have noticed another bulge in the wrong place. I’m pretty sure Superman would just get off his butt to change the channel.

If Superman had ever been a lumpy mess like the yahoos buying this thing the scene may have been…

“Superman, Lex Luthor men have robbed the Metropolis Bank and held 15 people hostage!  Come in a hurry!”

“Uh, yeah.  Hang on.  The Young and the Restless will be over in about 20 minutes.”

The premise of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is that when needs of the lower levels are met, people are driven to meet the next level.  The Snuggie busts that theory up.  You’ve got your Physiological needs taken care of.  And you’re dipping your toes into the Safety level.  Though if you get too Snuggie’d things like ‘security of employment’ may suffer.

And once you’re there?  Are you really going to strive for the next level of Love and Belonging?  Or are you going to rot in front of the TV watching “Big Trouble In Little China” for the 15th time? Ok, well you might get some if you’re reading The SnuggieSutra… but otherwise…

Ya gotta love a product that meets your needs and dis-empowers you at the same time.  Not even sure that’s a word.  But work with it.  California public schools at work.

A product that makes you less productive.  And the Superman theme is just an ironic twist.  Awesome. And we wonder why Asia is surpassing us in education and economic growth?

“Get the Americans comfortable enough and they’ll sit on the couch and do nothing ever again!  <insert evil laugh>”

If you own a Superman Snuggie I would like you to also assume it comes with the power of flight and jump off a tall building.

Now that I’ve finished that little rant, I feel the need to share a few pictures I came across while looking for the one up top…

Wow….. I know homosexuality is nature, not nurture.  But this little number could really make some kid question himself later in life.


Of course we can’t leave the ladies out.  You too can defile the character of a great super hero.  And for you guys who have always wanted to “get inside Wonder Woman”, you can now chuckle knowingly with your friends.  Ooops, sorry.  I assumed you had friends.

When you’re not terrorizing the galaxy and doing the bidding of your leader Darth Vader, you can curl up with a good book.  One that has no title.  Because it’s hard to read with the damn mask on.

Somebody had a stern talk with their agent after this photo shoot.

I can only hope that the large collection of childrens videos is his and that he has not bred a couple of children who are now in need of therapy.

Hey, nobody ever said a super hero has to be pretty.  If I saw this dude coming at me, I’d surrender and beg for mercy.

Phil Johnson

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    The Superman Snuggie – Downfall of Western Civilization — 3 Comments

    1. I love your blog! I have seriously used all my free time in the last colpue of days reading all your posts. Hilarious! You have inspired me to run more races for fun, starting with my second marathon, Disneyword in January. Now, don’t get creeped out, but we may be twins. I too am very pale, run not-fast (I don’t use the s word), was divorced in my early twenties, and have big legs (except mine are really big because they are attached to a size 8 ass), and ran Chicago this year and LOVED it!

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