Does she look possessed to you? Maybe by Bieber Fever, but that's about it.

I’ve talked in the past about the new depths that Hollywood is sinking to on the creative front.  And you may think the title of this post is a joke.  Unfortunately, it’s not.  “The Exorcist” recently finished a run at the Geffen Theater in Los Angeles and is probably headed for the Great White Way.

How ridiculous must it be?  A pea-soup splash zone in the front row, covered in plastic like a Gallagher concert?  Spinning heads?  Songs?  Please let there be songs… Can’t you just hear “The Power Of Christ Compels You” set to a jaunty song-and-dance rhythm?

But no…

The play is based on the original book rather than the movie.  Here’s what I read about the show: “The central conflict between doubting Father Karras and the demon should be a series of debates, in which the young girl possessed is the least of the figures present.” …..

Who the F*%K wants to see that?

When you think “The Exorcist”, is the first reference in your mind “stimulating theological debate”?  Are they going to do Nightmare On Elm Street next?  Freddie Krueger becomes a dream analyzing therapist who helps teenage girls through their difficulties.

They have to at least keep the crucifix-in-the-vagina scene.  Maybe just in the background of one of the debates.  Don’t even mention it.  Just let it happen.

Apparently the original book didn’t contain all those graphic horror elements that the movie does.  Those had to be some interesting production meetings between author and screenwriter. “The conversation is a little dry in this part.  We’re going to have the little girl jam a crucifix up her vagina and yell obscenities.  You ok with that?”

That’s like the producers of the “The Iron Lady” saying “Mrs. Thatcher is a little boring in this scene. We’re going to have her put one of the Falkland Islands up her butt.  Then she’ll transform into a giant truck and spew soggy crumpets at the members of Parliament.  No, not the politicians.  The 70’s funk band…. It’ll be so much more realistic.”

Please, for the love of Thalia and Melpomone, somebody write something original before we have to watch “Love At First Bite” on Broadway.