Pick this album or any of my others to gift for free.

I’m sure you have gotten a zillion emails about holiday sales.  Black-this, Cyber-that. I’m a contrarian by nature, so I thought I’d try something different: Giving away large quantities of stuff for the holidays.

So starting today thru 12/24, you can gift one of my albums to anyone you’d like for no money.  AND you get a album for yourself in the process.

To get in on this, visit http://su.pr/1eu9uP right now…

Couple quick details: This is all complimentary, no money changes hands.  And I won’t be keeping your friend’s contact info or anything, unless they want me to. All totally above board, no strings attached.

You get a nice gift for your friend, a gift for yourself, and I get new potential friends listening to my music and comedy.  Win-win-win..

Ok, go pick out your albums to give and receive at http://su.pr/1eu9uP !

Happy Anti-Cyber Monday (cuz it’s Tuesday!)

Phil Johnson
http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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In 2012, a hipster's head finally explodes when he accidentally listens to Justin Bieber and enjoys it.

Every December all the media talking heads start putting out their lists of the bests and worsts of the last year.  I decided to try something different and look into the future.  Today is December 9th, 2011.  Let’s get to the soothsayin’ and see how right I am a year from now… Probably not very, but here we go…

1. Cannibal Corpse and Lou Reed featuring the Community Orchestra of Overland Park, Kansas – “Music To Do Surgery By”
After his amazing experience of singing karaoke poetry over generic Metallica tracks, Lou Reed decides he needs to go even heavier, but keep it classy with some strings.  The Community Orchestra of Overland Park, Kansas has no idea what they’re getting into.

2. Bruno Mars – “Fuck Y’all, My Name Is Bruno”
After his success writing the songs “Fuck You” for Cee-Lo and “Billionaire” for Travie McCoy, Bruno decides he’s tired of his clean guy image in his own work and releases the hit single from this album “Angry Breakup Sex”.

3. Cat Litter Deodorizer – Self Titled
Hot new indie rock band out of Missoula, Montana releases their debut album that features strummy-strummy guitars mixed with electronic beats and actual samples of kitty litter being walked on by the band members.

4. Bjorn-Dogg – “Swede Up In This Bitch”
Up and coming Swedish rapper releases an album of cover songs and mashups from famous American music stars including Snoop Dogg, TI, Jay-Z, and the Swedish Chef from the Muppets.

5. Iron and Wine – “Wha? Huh?”
The follow up to the 2011 album “Kiss Each Other Clean” features 13 minutes of snoring followed by the producer waking up Samuel Beam to record.

6. Bret Michaels – Get Your Rock On
Bret sets a world record by having 9 of the 10 songs on the album feature the word “rock” in the title.  Song number 10 is a heartfelt ballad about recovering from a brain hemorrhage called “How To Save A Career”.

7. Marilyn Manson – “Republican”
Marilyn, realizing that the public is no longer really scared of his shock rock theatrics, ups the ante of horror by appearing on the cover in a 3-piece suit.  Songs include “Health Care Coverage Is For Pussies” and “I Anally Raped The 99%”

8. Paris Hilton – “Did It By Myself”
Paris tries again with an album of songs written by other people, produced by other people, and all the vocals are done by her personal assistant, Kenny.  The tour features dancers carrying Paris from one side of the stage to the other while she sucks on a bottle of Grey Goose.

9. Amy Winhouse – “Some Crap We Dug Up”
Her label will continue to plunder the vaults for new material to release.  This album features a cover of the obscure Roberta Flack b-side titled “Can’t Nobody Love A Man Like My Man” and a 10 minute track of Amy alternately nodding out and vomiting.

10. will.i.am – “The Word”
Will continues to focus his writing style by making sure that the title of this album includes more words than any of the songs.  In interviews he repeatedly brags about writing all the lyrics for the album on a single post-it note.  The hit single “Duh” rockets to the top of the singles chart.

How about you?  What albums are you looking forward to next year?  Leave a comment below…

Phil Johnson
www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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So, here’s part 2 of Songs I Wish I’d Written…

Instant Karma! by John Lennon
This is an interesting one.  I said there wouldn’t be any Beatles on this list simply because every songwriter is influenced by them in some way and it’s more their body of work that interests me.  Instant Karma is a John Lennon solo song and usually I’m pretty ambivalent to his solo work.  The chorus on this song is amazing though.  Super catchy and plays against the verses perfectly.  Plus, it’s not a love song.  I’m always trying to get away from those.  Somewhere I have recordings of my band actually performing this song…

By the way… In that video, why the hell is Yoko Ono knitting blindfolded in front of a live mic?

Paisley Park by Prince
There are a zillion Prince songs I could put here.  But I’ve always been drawn to the hippie funk vibe of the “Around the World in a Day” album and especially “Paisley Park”.  Kind of fitting to put it after a John Lennon song as it has a very “Sgt Pepper’s” kind of vibe to it.  It’s also a great example of using finger cymbals in a song.

Housequake by Prince
I could go back to James Brown here as is the obvious influence on Prince for this one.  Housequake adds the couple extra decades of music behind it to update the sound a little.  It’s a super hard groove and a killer party vibe.  I file this under “songs that don’t mean a damn thing”.  Shut up already… damn.

Sometimes It Snows In April by Prince
Ok, one more.  The dude is so darn prolific, there’s too many to choose from.  As I mentioned previously, I love fun and funny songs, but a really good, really sad song is awesome.  And this, above any other is my favorite Prince song.  It’s from his film “Under The Cherry Moon”, which, if you haven’t seen it, is the best of his three films.  Another stunning chorus on this one.  Just soulful enough to put a scrunch on your face and a beautiful melody.  And who wouldn’t be touched by a lyric about a best friend dying.

Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol
It’s not often that a fairly new song makes my swipe file.  While this one has been around awhile, it’s probably the newest one here.  And that’s only because most everything has been done before.  The evolution of music is a very slow process.  What I love about this song is that’s it’s an exercise in simplicity.  Not only does it only have three chords, I don’t think it has more than 4 notes in the entire song.  It makes it very meditative.  And it shows how much arrangement plays in the effectiveness of a song.  The whole build into the last chorus makes the thing work.  Such a shame that the rest of the album didn’t stand up to the quality of this song.

Pleasure – Soup Dragons
Back to the fun stuff.  This entire album, Hotwired, is always in rotation for me.  It’s all so fun and upbeat and often a good kickoff song for my road trips.  This is from a time in the early 90′s when guys with guitars were just starting to discover danceable beats and electronics.  EMF, Jesus Jones, bands like that.  This is another song that I love for it’s absolutely shallow meaning.  Nothing deep.  Just a solid beat and a great guitar riff.

Everlone by The Wildhearts
I had a tough time choosing this one.  The album “Earth vs. The Wildhearts” is a hidden gem in the music world.  I’m still trying to achieve some of the arrangement and vocal ideas these guys captured.  Just like the Soup Dragons and Snow Patrol, the haven’t been able to really follow it with anything quite as good since then.  This song has it all.  Punk energy, big heavy guitars, a wonderfully complicated arrangement with a ton of ideas, sweet Beach Boys harmonies, an awesome chorus. So much to learn from here.

Now you’ve got a little bit of an idea of where my music comes from.  There’s tons more.  I tend to pick up ideas from songs here and there.  Even stuff I don’t particularly like.  The message that I try to get across to everyone is to listen to as much music as you possibly can.  With streaming services and the like now, there’s no reason to not jump outside your comfort zone and try something new. 

Phil Johnson
http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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Once difference between just liking a song and being influenced by a song is that the writer feels they could have written that same song under the right circumstances.  As much as I love the Beatles, you won’t find any on this list.  Even though their influence is inescapable, I don’t think I’d have written the songs the same way.  The ones on this list make sense to me immediately because they make me say “that’s what I’d have done if I thought of it!”

If you know my work, some of these won’t be a surprise.  Or, at least, it could be an aha moment of “that’s where he stole ripped off borrowed that idea from!”  And if you don’t know my work here’s a good place to get started listening to it.

Don’t Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
Yes, it’s the cowbell song.  This is one of my earliest songwriting favorites.  The main guitar riff is a classic and the vocal melodies are just repetitive enough to lock them in your head. I probably would have messed it up with too many variations.  Though I definitely would have dropped the whole prog-rock middle section and left it as a 3 minute pop song, but that’s just me.

Good Vibrations by The Beach Boys
As far as I’m concerned, this is the greatest pop song ever written.  Brian Wilson called it a “pocket symphony”.  A regular length pop song that cycled through different movements like a symphony.  Not to mention, the first use of distorted bass and the theremin hook.  Seriously cutting edge stuff for the time.  This song was directly responsible for a song called “Flat World” that my band had a minor radio hit with in the late 90′s.  Though with that one we used a lot of Carribean and Latin influence in the groove, the idea of symphony style movements was the main idea we were working with.

Love Shack by The B-52′s
Hell yes…. Granted, Fred Schneider should never have been allowed near a microphone.  Did you know he did a solo album?  Yeah, neither did anyone else.  But this song falls into my “It’s absolute nonsense, but so much fun!” type of song.  It’s one of those ridiculous songs that anyone can sing along with.  It’s accessible, but still has a great arrangement.  Plus it’ll be played at weddings forever.  I’ve always harbored a dream of writing a great lasting wedding reception song.  With my luck I’ll probably end up writing something closer to The Chicken Dance than Love Shack.

Whiskey Lullaby by Alison Krauss and Brad Paisley
I love really fun songs and I love really really sad songs.  And this one is a recent discovery for me.  It’s got the creative turn of phrase that every country hit seems to need now.  “He put the bottle to his head and pulled the trigger.” But unlike other songs, it actually surpasses the hook to have an actual story.  The lyrics about heartbreak and alcohol abuse would bring a tear to anyone’s eye.  Plus I could listen to Alison Krauss sing the ingredients from the back of Windex bottle.

Colors of the Wind from “Pocahontas”
There was bound to be a Disney song on here.  And there’s probably quite a few more that could make the list.  But this one is a little different, because I didn’t really like the movie all that much.  The story is a bit bland for Disney standards.  But this song is a stunner and the Vanessa Williams version in particular is a treat to listen to.  This is the kind of song that is written in the blandest pop ballad style with preachy lyrics, but the melody carries it to all the right places.  The lift on the first line of the chorus going into that Am chord makes the whole thing.  Sometimes a song is made in two measures, and that’s definitely the case here.

The Bad Touch by The Bloodhound Gang
Ok, enough of the serious stuff for a bit.  Bloodhound Gang songs are either awesome or horrible.  Rarely in between.  And The Bad Touch is definitely awesome.  And it’s all about the lyrics.  Total tongue twister laden with bizarre and hilarious sexual jokes “Me and you do the kind of stuff only Prince would sing about.”  Nobody would accuse this band of being amazing musicians, but this is one of the greatest sets of funny sexual lyrics ever written.  You have to listen a zillion times to hear it all.

Ladies and Gentleman… “The Let’s-Go-Out-Tonites!” by Butch Walker
Butch is one of my absolute favorite songwriters right now.  In fact, the whole album this song comes from is always in rotation for me.  One day when I told my girlfriend that this was my favorite song from this album, she said, “Of course it is.  It sounds like a chorus you would write.”  God bless that girl.  Butch makes a good chunk of his living writing songs for other artists.  He’s written a lot of hits and knows the formula.  In his own work he takes that formula and gets much more creative with it.  His lyrics are very visual and his melodies support them every step of the way.

Fuck You by Cee-Lo
Yeah, it’s just about played out now.  But I still like it.  And not the safe “Forget You” version either.  I think it’s hilarious and awesome that he found mainstream success with this song.  And the first time I heard it literally slammed a fist down on my desk and went “Why didn’t I think of that!”  My favorite songs make me happy and angry at the same time.  This is the kind of song that drives me to pick up a guitar and find something new again.

Ok, this is turning out particularly long.  So I think I’ll do a part 2 to come out on Friday.  Keep a watch out for it!

Phil Johnson
http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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The problem is I can’t accomplish much else while I’m driving.  I can at least keep my brain engaged with podcasts and audiobooks.  But there’s so much else to do.

Besides writing and performing comedy and music, I also do film music and voiceover when the opportunities come up.  I also write guitar education articles for a variety of websites.  And I teach private music lessons whenever I’m in my hometown.  Just the ancillary activities (booking, promoting, scheduling, advertising, fan generation and engagement, etc) that go along with all those things are a full time job.

But there’s so much left to accomplish…
- writing a book (or 3)
- acting in a feature film
- voicing a character in an animated film
- writing a song for a Disney movie
- finding new ways to help people learn music
- presenting the kind of live show I really want to do (I’m not there yet)
- doing a podcast
- creating new videos on a regular basis
- being able to draw 2000 people per night for live performances

… and a hundred other things that pop randomly into my head.

So next time you see me and it looks like I haven’t had enough sleep or I’m trying to plow through a mile long to-do list, now you know where I’m headed.

I am seriously considering a patronage system of some sort.  A program that would allow people access to everything I’ve ever created, or will create in the future, for one low price.  I’m letting the idea rattle around my brain until I hit on the way that feels right to do it.  More updates to come.

Wanna be helpful?  There is nothing… and I mean nothing… like word of mouth.  If you enjoy the stuff I create in whatever form, please send your friends over to my website at http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com so they can get turned onto it too. Thanks!

~Phil

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This first one is from a British Soul/Hip-Hop artist named Matt Henshaw.  He’s so good he doesn’t even need a cool name.  Anyway, I heard this song first on the CD Baby Music Discovery Podcast, called “The Deepest Cellar” from the album of the same title.  He tags it as similar to Gnarls Barkley or Outkast.  I can hear the influence of the 2nd.  It really sounds a lot like “Midnight Vultures” era Beck to me.  And I love that album.

The track is really a great soul track with a vintage mix on it.  And he flows really well, which is my biggest complaint with a lot of the new American hip-hop.  Want to hear an American who can really flow like crazy?  Check out Tah Phrum Duh Bush.

Anyway, here’s the vid for “The Deepest Cellar”

The other video I found for today is Butch Walker’s new single “Summer of ’89″.  Butch has been one of my favorite songwriters for years now.  If you haven’t heard his album “…and The Let’s Go Out Tonites”, you’re missing one of the great rock records of the last decade.

Butch’s last few records have been in a mellower mood, lots of country and singer/songwriter-y stuff.  But on his new album, “The Spade”, he’s seems to be putting his rock shoes back on.  “Summer of ’89″ actually would have made a great summer single had it been released a little earlier.

My favorite line has to be “Nobody knew Bryan Adams wasn’t cool.  The TV just told me he was.”

Leave me a comment below and link your favorite music video you’ve run across lately…

Phil Johnson
http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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Years ago I had front row tickets to see Warrant, Firehouse, and Trixter.  At one point during the show, Jani asked me from the stage “Hey, where’s the best place to party around here?”  I said, “Nowhere.  You’re in Santa Clara.”

Warrant were always compared to Poison and there were plenty of similarities.  But I never thought Poison could really pull of “serious”, “Every Rose” not withstanding.  Warrant, however, really seemed to grow as a musical unit and create some interesting stuff.  If you haven’t heard their album “Dog Eat Dog”, give it a go.  There’s some really outstanding stuff on there.  Yep, it sounds like 80′s hair band music, but more sophisticated lyrically and arrangement-wise.

Sorry to see you go Jani…

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10. From SaJ Production comes this cover of “Part Of Your World” from The Little Mermaid.  If Ariel were an alcoholic… This is what “Enchanted” should have been.

9. Here’s a good reason for teenagers to not have access to video equipment.  Death metal growling of a Disney medley using… wait for it…. Guitar Hero guitars.

8. Here’s a cover of “Under The Sea” from The Little Mermaid by a band called Doping Panda.  It’s apparently from an import comp CD called Moshpit On Disney…. I NEED a copy.  This is good weird.

7. Ok, this is the terrible Miley Cyrus version of “The Tiki Room”.  What gets me is the video with all the completely unrelated and unexplainable footage of Rupert Grint and Emma Watson on the set of the Harry Potter films.  I’m stumped.

6. I discovered there’s a ton of ukelele players out there and they seem to like Disney songs.  I found this video of a dude in sunglasses and camisole (?) doing “Jolly Holiday” from Mary Poppins particularly disturbing.

5.  Yep, more uke… I love people that go against the grain.  And this dude in the Motorhead shirt and fully tatted arms playing a uke with a picture of a teddy bear in the background actually does a pretty great version of “Everybody Wants To Be A Cat” from The Aristocats.

Honorable Mentions of Everybody Wants To Be A Cat:
Hellanbach – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7WKQY6QhdM
Trudbol – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0tfb1UC6xM

4. “Heigh Ho” from Snow White seems to be a pretty popular song to cover.  But I think this super creepy ass version from Tom Waits in 1988 takes the cake.  It sounds like a mine shaft disaster.

Honorable Mentions:

Nick Cave – Hi Diddle Dee Dee and Heigh-Ho – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06ZfFO92rj8
Los Lobos – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JkOzlFZUt0
Dirty Heigh Ho – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGCjiZqrZC0
The Vandals – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDAVsE42xk8

3. Ok, this is a fairly straight forward version of “Kiss The Girl” from The Little Mermaid, but apparently the dude thought it was a Katy Perry song.  Nothing like a little soft lesbian anime porn to go along with your Disney songs.

Honorable Mention:
Rufus – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3lj_M6uVDE

3. Ok, no embedding on this one, but LL Cool J’s version “Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf” is worth an extra click.  My favorite lyric?  “Number 1 was very gay.  He built his house with hay.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDucj50eQYs

Honorable Mention:
Barbara Steisand – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3SmmKtR8Bw

2. Zip A Dee Doo Dah also seems to be a popular cover.  And Ric Ocasek’s atonal wobble of a voice is a perfect match for this cheeseball Cars style video. No embedding on this one either. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLlqCEmQJsA

Honorable Mentions:
Jackson 5 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzQ_8rrIzMg
The Rationals – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gerMU8iDk2A (Rockinest version ever!)
The Mummies – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kH-MDUDdsL0

1. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present Gene Simmons of KISS doing “When You Wish Upon A Star”.  Please God, let there be a Gene Simmons/William Shatner duet out there somewhere.

Have you found other weird or cool Disney covers I missed?  Link them in the comments below…

Phil Johnson
http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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Anyway, LWL’s new album is called “Holy Shit” and the cover looks leather bound like a bible.  I think it’s funny.  And as the band says on their tumblr blog, “The content of our artwork for our new recording was created out of our passion for satire and absurdist humor. The lyrical and musical content of this record does not contain any commentary on religion, nor does it use a pejorative or malicious voice against any particular group of people (excluding possibly some of our ex-girlfriends).”

And so James Moore, the Minister of Canadian Heritage got all uppity about the title saying it was an attack on Christians.  Now, I don’t know if Mr. Moore is a Christian himself.  But since he’s a conservative white politician, I’m going to go out on a ledge and say he’s probably not Muslim.  The band was classy enough to give back the $13,000 they’d received to make the album.

The more I travel around the country singing songs and telling jokes, the more I find that skewering Christianity is the one thing that can most get a performer in trouble.  And notice I say Christianity and not religion in general.  There’s a long history of Jewish jokes (enjoyed by Jews) and certainly doing jokes about Muslims goes over just fine with a conservative audience.  But anything more than “Gee, how did Noah get all those animals in the ark?” will get stony stares from a lot of audiences.  Even a more mainstream, liberal audience will get uncomfortable with it.

Because why?  We’re allowed to take the piss out of politicians.  Hell, we’re LEGALLY allowed to do that. Ethnic material in a variety of forms goes down fine, both by performers of that ethnicity and not.  Misogynistic humor is still alive and well with lots of comics calling women “bitches” on a regular basis.

Each audience in each town is a little different.  And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with any of the humor I talked about above.  Comedy is about exploring the boundaries to find out what we really think about things.  What I disagree with is the Christian right and their followers believing they should be above ridicule in even the slightest sense.  Sure, we’re legally allowed to do it.  That’s freedom of speech.  But the fact they get offended by such things is evidence of the closed-minded, top-down, cult-like status it’s reached in North America.

One of the things I most value in my life and others is self-awareness.  Being able to look at both sides.  Being able to see the flaws in your own beliefs.  Not changing those beliefs necessarily, but just being open minded enough to see other points of view.  And James Moore, obviously is not that type of person.

I wish I had $13,000 to blow.  I’d give LWL their money back.

Phil Johnson
www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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And Seth goes on to say that we know it’s all possible through technology now.  We can imagine things that don’t exist yet.  And not only do we assume it can be done, we EXPECT it to be done any second.

I think it’s sad that we can’t just say “Must be magic!” anymore.  But we may not be losing it just yet.  In a rare thought, I’ll disagree with Seth a little bit.  Magic in any form is a combination of surprise and, for lack of a better term, ignorance.

While technology may not give us those things anymore, I think the arts do.  Especially live performance art.  I know, I’m biased.  Deal with it.  But when I can make a roomful of people erupt with laughter and have them asking me after “How did you ever think of that?”, that’s magic.  They were surprised and ignorant of the process.  I hate that word, but can’t come up with another.  Someone please suggest one.

Granted, that’s a very short lived magic, but magic nonetheless.  The same thing happens in music.  Many people have absolutely no idea how to play an instrument or write a song.  Give them something enticing and surprising, and music becomes magic.

By the way, this is why you don’t see performers react as strongly as regular people.  We know the levers and trap doors are there.  We know how the assistant got out of the box.  We know how it’s done.  But that sure doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate a well performed trick.

Phil Johnson
http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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