Stoning Is Barbaric and So Are You

I’ve been reading about Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani and her sentence of being stoned to death for adultery.  First of all, for you potheads out there, that doesn’t mean she smokes until she passes out.  She’ll be buried up to her neck in the dirt while people hurl rocks at her head.  Because she got laid…

Hear that?  Because she got laid.  I don’t I need to explain to anyone reading this how ridiculous that is.  Kudos to her son and everyone else passing the word and putting pressure on the Iranian government to have her sentence dropped.

Can we just send the entire country of Iran to Amsterdam for a week?  Not all at once.  They’ll just mess it up.  But a few at a time.  Send them over there for a toke and some nookie to mellow them the hell out.

I mean, Americans are often accused of not traveling and experiencing other cultures enough.  And it’s true enough.  Traveling to some Americans means “I went to Reno once…”.  But the Iranians could stand to spend some time with the Swiss maybe.  At least learn how to be outwardly nice.  Even if you’re secretly harboring tax evading bank accounts.

Come on, we all learned in kindergarten that it’s not nice to throw rocks.

Tell me this though… If it were televised, how many people do you think would watch?  My girlfriend and I were watching a movie that a had a Roman Coliseum scene of throwing some poor dude to the lions.  She asked how they could have been so barbaric as to gather to watch such a spectacle.  I told her not much has changed.  We’ve only softened a little bit and put it on TV.  Everybody loves to watch a NASCAR driver crash.  Some of the most popular American Idol episodes are the early ones with all the worst singers.  And we all love to watch shit blow up in our big summer blockbuster films.  People like to watch other people fail and hurt.

Iran is only being called barbaric because they’re going about it too low tech.  Buried up to your neck in the sand and we’re going to throw rocks at your head.  Sounds like an episode of Fear Factor to me.  If there were a million dollar prize instead of a prison sentence at stake it would beat the Emmys in primetime. Oh they might give them a little helmet, but there’d still be an 8 inch thick release form to sign.

Or maybe if there were a call in line for people to vote which rock got thrown first?  Maybe if instead of being buried, she had to run an obstacle course where things constantly beat her about the face and body first?  I know… We could send her to live on a deserted island where we all watch her starve to death while the camera crew eats donuts.

I did see one interesting fact in this article about how the Iranian adultery law is laid out.  And I quote…

“Article 83 says: ‘Adultery in the following cases shall be punishable by stoning: (1) Adultery by a married man who is wedded to a permanent wife with whom he has had intercourse and may have intercourse when he so desires;

(2) Adultery of a married woman with an adult man provided the woman is permanently married and has had intercourse with her husband and is able to do so again.'”

Did you catch that little difference in there?  “…and is able to do so again.”  Viagra sales must be through the roof in Iran!  Under no circumstances is a man allowed to commit adultery.  But if a woman’s hubby has perpetual whiskey-dick, it’s fair game!

Hmmm, I don’t remember seeing that one in the American rule books.

Phil Johnson
http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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