She’ll Never Ask Me To Do That Again…


Homey gonna get some…

One evening I was watching a movie with my girlfriend and, in the film, the guy was serenading the girl.  A tender little love song with an acoustic guitar.  And my girlfriend turned to me and said, “How come you never serenade me?”

My first thought was to give her my price for a booking.  But I had a better idea.  Because I’d much rather go for the laugh than just an ‘awww’ face.  Or the possibility of her ever sleeping with me again…

So I gave her some non-committal excuse for having never serenaded her like “I don’t know.” or “Maybe you should serenade yourself and I’ll take video.”

Then the next morning, I woke up extra early around 6am.  It was a Sunday, I’m pretty sure.  And I quietly snuck into my office and grabbed my trumpet.

Maybe a smooth, pretty little Miles Davis trumpet line, you might think?  Except for one thing… I’m a TERRIBLE trumpet player.

I quietly snuck back into the bedroom, wet my lips…

After I peeled her off the ceiling, she said, “What the hell did you do that for?”

I said, “I was serenading you!”

The trick is to stay… in… character and to look exactly as dumb as you want her to think you are.

She said, “Alright.. Never do that again.”  And I haven’t. 🙂

You have to admit.  It could have been worse.  I could have sprayed her with this oddly named fungicide…

Serenade Fungicide

I did eventually write a serenade-y kind of song.  Check it out below. And you can get the rest of this comedy special here.

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