F&%K You For Advertising

unveilingEvery so often I get a nasty comment on my YouTube videos.  I’m lucky they don’t turn into the cesspool of racism and homophobia that many YouTube comment threads do.  But when one turns up, I just delete it.

Oh yeah, I delete it them with relish.  And sometimes mustard.  If someone has a legit critique or comment I’m happy to leave it up for discussion.  But I’ve yet to see an intelligent discussion of anything in the comments section… of just about anything.  Ever.

One of those nasty comments from my videos popped into my head yesterday.  It simply read…

“Fuck you for advertising.”  

So much ignorance in that statement.

First off, yes, I do promote my work.  Shocked?  This person apparently was.  They seem to subscribe to the idea of “just put it out and someone will find it.”  And if I wanted to wait 1000 years to be successful, that’s exactly what I’d do.  Promoting is half the job of being a creator.  And any successful creator will tell you the same.

Second, this person obviously doesn’t know the difference between advertising and promoting. I had not paid for an ad on his sidebar.  I’d simply seen his positive comment on an artist similar to me and sent him a polite and friendly message saying that he might enjoy my video as well.

But what this really showed me is that I was dealing with a person who’s never created anything.  That’s not even the statement of someone who’s created and hasn’t shown it to anyone.  That’s a person who’s never had the guts to face down and conquer the proverbial blank canvas.

Because anyone that has actually created something knows the perseverance it takes to finish it.  And they know the stomach drop of putting it out into the world and hoping it finds an audience.


That’s the last time you get to be proud of that particular creation. Photo by Todd Morris.

“Fuck you for advertising” doesn’t even sound like a bitter, formerly creative person.  It sounds like someone who’s never created anything that wasn’t brown and floating in a toilet.

But you… yes, you… are probably not that type of person.  I’ll bet you HAVE created something worthwhile.  And I want to see it.  And I want everyone I know to see it.

So here’s what we’re going to do.  I want you to show me what you’ve created.  Writing, painting, stand-up, music, video, sculpture, jewelry, custom auto paint jobs, kitchen remodels, whatever.

Send me a link to check out your creation that you’re really excited about.  Then I’m going to do a big blog post featuring all the cool stuff I’ve been sent and promote it out to my networks and mailing list.  I will not be criticizing or reviewing.  That’s for the end user to decide.

Here’s what to send:
Your name
A link to your creation (just one please)
A link where you’d like people to find out more about you and your work

Email your info to Phil at RoadsideAttraction.com before June 30th, 2016.

This will be fun!  I’ve shown you mine, now show me yours.  😉

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10 Action Figures We Probably Didn’t Need

I won’t lie. I’d love to be made into an action figure. They always make the abs way better looking than in real life. I’ll take plastic abs.

But there have been quite a few action figures over the years that we just didn’t need.  Such as..

Ron Howard Richie Cunningham Action Figure
Ron Howard

I loved Happy Days as much as the next kid. But I’m not quite sure what you’d do with the Richie Cunningham figure.  I guess just make it drink milkshakes and say, “Gee, Fonz” over and over again.  Ron Howard wishes he had that hair.



Donald TrumpDonald Trump Action Figure

Once again, the fake hair looks way better than the real stuff.  The Donald Trump figure talks.  Of course it does.  And I’m sure it blames the Mexicans.  I’m also sure this was probably manufactured in China and not by great American workers.

Now that I think of it, this doll would probably do a better job as president than the real Trump.




Sigmund Freud Action FigureSigmund Freud

Can’t afford a therapist?  Tired of your current therapist interrupting your crying sessions with stupid questions about your mother?  The Sigmund Freud action figure will be your new best friend.  Comes with a cigar that’s just a cigar.  Or is it?





Miles Davis Action FigureMiles Davis

An electrifying musician who rarely spoke and played with his back to the audience.  You too can go on an adventure with Miles Davis through the seediest parts of the jazz world.  Though it will mostly consist of Miles disliking people.

Incidentally the guy that created this one did a great job.  Really, who takes the time to sculpt a tiny folding chair?




Danny Trejo Machete Action FigureDanny Trejo

Ok, I take it back.  EVERYONE needs a Danny Trejo as Machete action figure.  This should be the one you give your newborn infant while they’re still in swaddling.




Alan Alda Hawkeye Action FigureAlan Alda

Love MASH. Love Alan Alda.  Not really sure what action he’s supposed to be involved in.  Maybe just sexually harassing nurses?

The only less actiony MASH character might be Father Mulcahey.  He only has the super power of worrying.

Now a Klinger action figure….

Woody Allen Action FigureWoody Allen

There really aren’t a lot of action figures based on nervous Jews that marry their adopted daughters.

This one comes with a video.


Napoleon Bonaparte Action FigureNapoleon Bonaparte

It’s been conjectured that Napoleon had a stomach ulcer. Hence the pose with the hand in his shirt.  I’ll bet GI Joe never had a stomach ulcer.

The latest Han Solo figure might have a bad back or something though.  But he won’t attack Russia.


Millard Fillmore Action FigureMillard Fillmore

We’re going to just have to assume this figure looks like Millard Fillmore.  Not only because of the musty plastic bag, but also because who the hell knows what Millard Fillmore looks like?

Fun fact: Millard Fillmore was the last president to be neither a Republican nor Democrat.  He was a Whig.  As opposed to Donald Trump, who is a Wig.





Maharma Ghandi Action Figure

Mahatma Ghandi

Mom: What are you playing, honey?

Son: Hunger strike!






Ring Girl Action FigureRing Girl

Sure there are lots of figures of horror movie characters.  But the Ring girl?  Hell no.  I don’t want that anywhere near my house.  Not until she learns how to brush the hair out of her face.

Pretty sure I bought a DVD player after watching that movie so I’d never have to insert a VHS again.

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“The Legend of Ms Garcia” Now Available!

GarciaCover400x400You’ve seen all the background stuff on the string arrangement, the influences, the solo acoustic version, and the recording breakdown.

And now the full version of “The Legend of Ms Garcia” is now available for download!

Click here to listen, download, and share the song.

You can also hit the player below to hear it.

Listening makes you cool.  Sharing makes you awesome!

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The Breakdown of Ms Garcia

msgarciabreakdownthumbWe’re almost to the release of the “The Legend of Ms Garcia”.  I had to do some different stuff and learn a few new tricks while recording this track.  And I thought it would be fun to take you into the studio and break the song down to show you all the moving parts.
I just realized the title of this post could be a song of its own.

If you missed the other posts about the 80’s Mexican Soap Opera Mix, the influences on the song, or the solo acoustic version, you can click those links to check them out.

Update: The official recording of “The Legend of Ms Garcia” is now available! Click here to check it out or hit the player below.

Check out the video below where you can see both the inner workings of the new single and what a colossal mess my desk is.

By the way, I was inspired to do this by a great podcast called Song Exploder.  Not sure Hrishikesh Hirway, the host of the show, would be a fan of my music, but I love the idea.


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Solo Acoustic Version of “The Legend of Ms Garcia”

Phil singing The Legend of Ms GarciaThe studio version of “The Legend of Ms Garcia will be available on Friday February 5th and I’m excited for you to hear it.

Since we’ve had some behind the scenes peeks at the song here and here, I thought I’d give you an “in front of the scenes” look today.

If you have my latest comedy special “Pretty From The Back” you may have already seen this.  Unless you bought it and haven’t watched it yet.  In which case, thank goodness for second chances, right?

To be honest, my voice sounds a little worn out in this clip.  I’d already done 45 or 50 minutes of telling jokes and that tends to wear on the ‘ol vocal chords a bit. 🙂

With the studio version of the song you’ll hear next week I was able to approach it with a fresh voice and really give it the heft it deserves.

Update: The official recording of “The Legend of Ms Garcia” is now available! Click here to check it out or hit the player below.

If you haven’t yet gotten my latest comedy special, you can download the video and audio here, or give it a listen below.

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