More Dumb Crap People Put On Their Cars

Stupid bumper sticker crap

New show coming soon to TLC: “Right Wing Bumper Sticker Hoarders”.

I always find interesting the things that people decorate their cars with.  You can tell a lot about a person by the way they decorate their vehicle.  A little Fender sticker means their a guitar player.  A Mickey Mouse antenna ball is a sign of a Disney fan.  A Monster energy drink sticker lets you know you’re dealing with a douchebag.  One who probably actually orders Red Bull with his vodka.

Truck nuts, of course, are a prime example of this stuff:

Yesterday on the way to my gig, I saw two interesting ones.  The first was a rear window sticker that read “No tan lines on this behind!”

And as I pulled up beside the car on the freeway, I thought, “That is too much information, sir.”

No, no, of course not.  It was a girl.  A black girl.  Which made me think, “Uh, duh!”

Sorry, no again… I’m being jokey joke guy.  It was exactly the kind of stupid pretty blonde girl you’d expect to advertise the visual aspects of her ass on her rear window.

She may as well have just put up a sticker that said, “My butt cheeks are all the same color because I want to have skin like a Hell’s Angels’ leather jacket by the time I’m 28 and be able to post on Facebook to tell all my friends I have ass cancer!”

Ok, maybe her way was more concise.

The next guy I saw had an anti-abortion sticker on his bumper that read “Equal Rights For Unborn Females”.  Apparently unborn boys can screw off.  Maybe he knows what I know about baby boys:

Really though, no guy should get a say in the abortion argument on a large scale.  Inside his own relationship with a woman maybe.  But he looked liked the kind of gent that watches the Star Wars movies for the religious undertones.  Pretty sure he’s got an outsider’s perspective on the whole sex thing.

Dudes don’t get a say in the larger argument.  That’s like a women announcing “Every man must shave his nuts!”

Unless she’s going to intimately involved in the aftermath, she doesn’t get a say.  Same goes for dudes and abortion.

I think when abortion issues are voted on, only women should be able to battle it out.  And we men will stand on the sidelines… and yell “Chick fight!”  Because of course, the decision will be made through oil wrestling.

Women’s rights!

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