Medical Marijuana Cures… Everything?

Bob Marley died of cancer... Oops!

Now, I understand that potheads are often delusional.  But the people that made this list must have really been toking some of the good stuff.  My girlfriend gets really bad migraines.  Her friend sent her this page from a medical marijuana site that lists all the things that pot has been used as a treatment for.

Here’s the list:

Let’s take a look at some examples…

Genital Herpes – I’m willing to bet that pot has been responsible more for the spread of genital herpes than the cure.
Heptitis – Ditto…
Cancer – You mean we’ve been having benefit shows and wearing pink ribbons all this time and all we needed was to get them stoned?  Amazing.. I’m sure it’s just “the man” suppressing that news from the masses.
Obesity – Yeah, cuz pot doesn’t lead to eating.  No sir.
Writers’ Cramp – Ok, writers’ block maybe…
Alcoholism – Well, way to swap one addiction for another genius.
Tobacco Dependence – Umm… Still smoking, no?
Stuttering – What’s the difference?  You still won’t be able to speak in coherent sentences.
Nightmares – Well there’s everybody’s in for a prescription.
Brain Trauma – Nothing like killing a few brain cells to help out with brain trauma.
Paraplegia – It grows limbs back!?
Limbic Rage Syndrome – No idea what this is.  But it sounds like a great name for a band.
Emphysema – See Tobacco Dependence above.
Constipation – Apparently a lot of fiber in that weed.
Ureter Spasm Calculus – Once again, great band name.
Vaginal Pain – Maybe there’s other things she might be thinking about to avoid that pain, hmm?
Cerebral Aneurism – “Hurry!  Smoke this before you die!”
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome – Oh, yeah.  Weed always gives you lots of energy to go out an conquer the world.
Cough – Really?  Have you ever heard a pothead cough?  I have and it’s not pretty.

I wish I had a medical degree so I could understand what the rest of the afflictions on that page are.  But you can feel better knowing that if you have any affliction at all, or have slept, or have a habit of breathing on a regular basis, you too can get a prescription for the miracle drug called Wacky Weed.

Phil Johnson

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    Medical Marijuana Cures… Everything? — 8 Comments

    1. I would like to say thank you for even publishing what I said. I’ve commented on things before on other sites and they just get deleted. It shows me that you really do allow other oppinions. And know it is not my intention to offend you it’s just that being that my grandma has cancer and many other conditions it helps with it is a very hot issue. She is against it because of things she learned when she was a kid that have all been proven wrong.  I only want people to be able to see things from another point of view.   
      Oh and I do have a torn muscle and chronic pain and cannabis is way better than the vicodine they perscribed me witch was addicive for me to the piont that I stopped getting them even when the pain was bad because I would take the entire bottle in in a few days. 
      And if a person has an addictave personality shouldn’t they have something safe as a choice untill they work through the issues that cause it.

    2. EXACTLY!  I totally agree. To an addictive personality yes it can affect them negitavly although you can atleast say they will have less of a chance of cancer and so on. The problem with this argument is that your not really making it fully. Coffee is more addictave if you had read the links you would have seen that and hypertension kills. I can tell you from personal expirence quitting fast food is so much harder. I’ve quit weed a few times for different reasons and it took no more than a week after I decided to that the craving was gone. Fast food took me 5 YEARS before I could even stop eating it and I still crave it 2 years after that. ANYTHING and EVERYTHING can be addictive. That being said should people not be allowed to do anyhing that it’s possible to be addicted to. Salt sugar choclate running exersizing video games. . .  You get the point right?  It’s not about what you feel is good for others. I’m vegan and I know the affects of a high animal product lifestyle, however I know that it’s not my right or even moral to press my will on to another.  The thing you need to keep in mind is do you belive in freedom or not?  And if your going to say that things would be worse, look at Portugal. In 2001 they legalized all drugs and as a direct result between 2001 and 2009 all drug use in all age groups went down, other than the new drugs that had not yet reached their peak. Even teen marijuana use. Another stat for you in the usa in 2008 less than 19000 people died from all illegal drugs, more than 100000 died from properly perscribed, properly used rx drugs. This does not includerec recreational use. Should all rx drugs be illegal? I would say no but the are extremly immoral. More than 400000 die from cigs. And how many die from bad diet?  

      So on the recreational use it’s the same piont. Kids playing on a play ground is more dangerous and many of them are so ‘addicted’ to it if they pee their pants they will keep playing. Many of them will scream, cry, kick, bite and be mad all night when they are taken home. So no more playgrounds or what? 
      It being illegal is also a problem because people get killed over getting it and ‘drug’ deals. People who toke after a
      stressfull day get raped and murdered in prison and even cops get shot investigating it. Also the research is  painting a clear picture, it ia an ANTI-gateway drug. Users who smoke pot use less harder drugs, alichol or cigsrettes. The only way it is a gateway drug is that since it’s illegal the dealers are more likley to sell other things, because as they see it they are already breaking the law, but if we could go to a safeway and get an oz bag in the herb section then that wouldn’t be an issue.  We as a country have been through another prohibition and what happened when we ended it? What do you know less violent crime. It being illegal is the reason it’s dangerous. If it was treated like a plant (witch it is) it would be growing all over the place and there would be no money in it. And money is a big reason the Pharma companys (who have more washington lobbysts than any industry) does not want it legal. This is why their is so much propiganda against it. Like dare and even the movie half baked is some of it(Dave chapell said in an interview that was not the movie he wanted to make. The people incharge made him make all of them look dumber and more ‘stoner’ like.)  In telivision programing does not just refer to the schedule. Your thoughts are not even your own.  
      I guess my last piont is that if it were legal and everyone knew it’s medical uses there would be atleast 10 times the medical users as recrational users. It is after all the safest most potent pain killer, so why shouldn’t everyone have some cannabis pills or brownies in their home incase they pull a muscle (it reduces inflamation too) or get a painful cut or headache?
      And a few question. Does it say the dreadlock guy doesn’t have a job or are you just being biggoted? Is a person who cant find a job less moral or worth less? And do you think pot is cheap? If a person can afford to smoke and eat they have money.  Is it less moral to spend money on somehing safe and calming like pot or go into debt to get a 56″ tv? I’m a union electrician who is out of work and 235 people are ahead of me in the line to work and if I work nonunion I can be sued and kicked out so am I, being on unemployment and having payed many thousands into it, worth less than those with jobs?

      An intlligent human first investigates a toppic, before he has an oppinion on it.

    3. So first off I would like to say sorry if I offended you. The thing is that this kind of thing is why there are so many people without access to safe medicine. And the reason they give the rx away is because the only thing about it that is dangerous is the law. The side affects are less than those of sugar caffeine or asprin.  It is literally IMPOSSIBLE to die from it. It has a 4000 year history of that.  It’s not your fault you feel this way about cannabis that’s how you’ve been programed to view it. For instance did you know that dare actualy increases drug use. That’s the plan. Oh and spelling is a joke you clearly understood what I said so if that’s one of your points it’s weak. I’m dyslexic so spelling is just not for me. Another thing is that english is super fucked up on spelling. How bad is it when phonetically isn’t even spelt phonetically.  Remember bad spelling does not denote low intelligence. And ipods suck. They have no spell checker.
      So on to my info.      
      This site is amazing. Thank you if it wasn’t for you I would have never found it. It lists lots of conditions including links to actual summarys and information about the studies.
      Kills cancer
      Addiction levles
      This is from the conclusion link on this site.   

      * Marijuana smoking which delivers THC up to a 300 ug/kg dose slightly impairs the ability to maintain a constant headway while following another car. (That’s the worst thing they said about it)

      * A low THC dose (100 ug/kg) does not impair driving ability in urban traffic to the same extent as a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.04g%.

      * Drivers under the influence of marijuana tend to over-estimate the adverse effects of the drug on their driving quality and compensate when they can; e.g. by increasing effort to accomplish the task, increasing headway or slowing down, or a combination of these.

      * Drivers under the influence of alcohol tend to under-estimate the adverse effects of the drug on their driving quality and do not invest compensatory effort.

      This is my favorite part a DOT study stated in their final paragraph “It is a natural question why the effects of marijuana on actual driving performance appear to be so small.” I just think it’s funny.
      Now I could do this all day with any one of more than 100 conditions but it’s kind of boring. 

      • I’m happy to present both sides of the argument. And I’ll tell you, the only reason I’m programmed against this stuff is because I’ve seen first hand what it does it to people. To an addictive personality, it’s addictive. Just the same as any other drug, prescription or not.

        And if people think it will help whatever ailment they have, more power to them. Whether it’s true or a placebo or whatever.

        However, I don’t agree with it’s recreational use any more than alcohol or prescription drugs. Of course that’s battling a tradition of thousands of years that’s here to stay. But I can still call bullshit on it. MOST of the people smoking are doing it for recreation. And for that reason, it doesn’t matter if it is or isn’t legal except for the possible savings in state funds for not having to arrest stoners.

        And so it can be looked at in two ways. It’s either a medical issue, in which legality would entail heavy government regulation and illegal use will continue as rampantly as prescription meds. Or it’s a prohibition issue in which people just want to be able to imbibe the same as alcohol. And I think the biggest problem with the movement, and the point of my blog post, is that the propaganda puts forth the former argument (medical), while the whole time really pushing for the latter (recreation) with a wink and a nod. And those in power can see through that just as well as I can. The poster has a cancer patient, but the guy holding it is a dreadlocked stoner with no job. It’s a mixed message to those who are against the idea, which is why it’s been such a difficult battle.

    4. You only need to search for marijuana cures “the condition you don’t belive” and you will find many articles about research that has been done on that very thing. It does cure cancer not cause it. Different smoke has different properties. For example no nicotine. Why do you publish something without researching it first. And the research that said it killed brain cells is 40 years old and how did they administer it to the monkeys. they pumped 65 joints worth through gas masks for 6 minutes. Hmmmmm nothing but thick smoke for 6 minutes kills brain cells? What a suprise. Look it up. Recient research shows it stimulates the GROWTH of NEW brain cells in rats. Statisticly pot smokers have a higher (pun uninteded) iq and income. The word is research! Research BEFORE you post PLEASE.
      Good luck. Oh and a toke before bed will prevent about 90% of migraines the next day. I hope your ignorance is not causing her pain.

      • Ah, the righteous indignation of the pot smoker. First of all, oh faceless nameless anonymous commenter, I’m a comedian. It’s my job to call bullshit and make jokes about it.

        Second, I hope your ignorance doesn’t mean you think I control what my girlfriend does. She’s a big girl and if she wanted to try it, she would. But she’s the type that doesn’t like to ingest any drug. She’s doesn’t like aspirin, let along weed. That’s her CHOICE, just like you have one.

        Weed has no nicotine? First of all, duh. Second of all, whoopdie do. It has THC. Exchange one addictive element for another.

        And I’m quite sure that weed is good at damping down the pain of some ailments. It’s a depressant. Just like alcohol, which also dampens pain. Are you going to tell me alcoholism doesn’t exist either?

        And as far as researching before I post… Welcome to my blog, where I get to say things that I’d like to say. As a comedian, remember? Of course, you certainly didn’t link to anything that would prove to me you did the research. Your “facts” are just as nebulous as any I wrote. And if you’d really like to know, I’m totally for the legalization of pot. Regulated just like alcohol. But not because it’s a cure-all. Because of Darwinism.

        Oh, and perhaps if you didn’t smoke so much weed, you’d learn how to use a spell checker. Good spelling lends much more credence to an argument. Thanks for playing.

    5. I’m sure there plenty of folks out there like yourself that are actually helped by it. I just think it hurts your cause when they put out lists like this with dumb stuff on it. I visited Venice Beach over the weekend and passed at least 3 places in a two block area where you could be “evaluated” for a prescription. Because you’re sure to find reputable doctors on Venice Beach. 😉

    6. hey there… unlike the list above and the majority of idiots out there claiming such issues as you’ve noted above… i speak for the small amout of us who actually benefit from medical marijuana, let me tell u a little about me… i had a thyroid condition called toxic nodule (aka goiter) causing severe hyperthyroidism. during the diagnosing time i lost 22 pounds (i’m only 5’2″ and 130 lbs when it started) and had a hilacious appetite. among many other symptoms, i had insomnia as well….marijuana helped with those aspects without side affects like sleeping aids. i had the surgery (not radiation) and had it removed (nice scar across the neck).. now i’m hypOthyroid… BUT i have a pituitary syndrome causing me to produce thyroid stimulating hormone when i dont have a thyroid anymore. thus, causing severe appetite DECREASE weight loss and insomnia again… now i struggle to gain weight. appetite stimulants cause side affects i dont like… so… to our defense and those with chemo and radiation for the NON smoking related cancers, we need natural aids not chemically altered by man with affects man wont know how it affects the body after 30-50 yrs of someone using when studies r based on 5-10 yrs only anyway… i plan on attending one of your shows … looking forward to seeing your performance…. T

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