Justin Bieber + Selena Gomez = Death Threats

Apparently Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez are an item these days.  Don’t look at me that way.  My girlfriend told me about it.  By the way she’s 18, he’s 16.  Way to get yourself an older woman, JB.

And now Selena Gomez is getting death threats.  Here’s a little selection I picked up from TMZ.

– @selenagomez I’ll kill you I swear on GOD!!!!
— @selenagomez If you are the Girlfriend of Justin I will Kill you I HATE YOU :@ !!!
— @selenagomez whore cancer whore..like i’mm kill myself cuz i saw you and Justin kissing well thankyou Selena thankyou now i’m killing myself
— @selenagomez stay away from Justin pedophile, retard wait i’m gonna kill ya in the night underneath your smelly bed

I’m not sure if I like “whore cancer whore” or “underneath your smelly bed” better.

Here’s the thing… We always seem to equate women with peacefulness.  As in “If we had a woman president, there’d be no more wars!”

But you don’t see Justin Bieber getting any death threats from guys, do you?  Except for the usual.  You know “Hey, why do you stop using auto-tune and learn how to sing and write… before I kill you.”  Ok, I made that one up myself.

Any comedian facing down a drunken bachelorette party in the audience will tell you that women are usually the worst offenders when it comes to threats.  I think most guys know better that Selina Gomez, or J-Lo, or Angelina Jolie, or Diane Feinstein are out of their league.  And they live with it.  They don’t pine and send death threats.  They wack off to a poster and then go find a real girl.

Just think, one of these lovely young ladies plotting Ms. Gomez’s end could be our first female president.  Our enemies will cower in their boots when she writes “@Iraq – i’ll bomb you retard whore cancer whores into next year until you end up under your smelly pedophile beds – i KILL u!”

Disclaimer: This is humor.  I’m sure a female president will do great things.

Disclaimer: I only found those TMZ quotes via Google.  I do not patronize TMZ.

Disclaimer: Really, I didn’t know about any of this until my girlfriend told me.  Stop looking at me like that.
Phil Johnson

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