It’s once again time for the Olympics! That time every two years when millions of people sit on their couch watching thousands of people exercise more than they ever will. And I’ll be right there with them.
I’m totally not a sports guy. I couldn’t care less about football or baseball or boxing or hockey. I don’t need to see overpaid jocks running a ball around a field. But I do like watching people playing a sport because they love it. And they’re working on a deadline. It’s not like the arts where you can work forever. There are no 50 year old swimmers in the Olympic field. And you just can’t make a living playing badminton professionally. I think. Hang on.. Never mind. I just googled it. Apparently there are professional badminton players. I’m not sure I can imagine my life where “shuttlecock” is a word I’d use on a daily basis. Unless, of course, I had a bit about gay astronauts. Then maybe.
The other thing that doesn’t turn me on about pro sports is having to invest so much time in rooting for a bunch of people I don’t even know. If I hung out with Alex Smith on a regular basis, I might root for the 49’ers. But I don’t. So I’d much rather waste my time pursuing my own projects. If I’m going to paint my face red and gold it had better be for an album cover or possibly a stage play called The Man Who Looked Like A Medieval Royal Banner.
But I can get behind and underdog. In fact I don’t usually root for the favorites in the Olympics. I root for the guy who’s probably going to come in 3rd. I want to see that guy push a little harder to save his sponsorship money so he doesn’t have to go back to working at Home Depot right away.
There’s not a lot of changes to the lineup of events this year. There is going to be women’s boxing, in which the entire audience will chant “CHICK FIGHT! CHICK FIGHT! CHICK FIGHT!”. And they’re reintroducing mixed doubles tennis which hasn’t been in the Olympics since 1924. I assume because nobody really gives a rat’s ass about it. I think they should have to do some sort of choreographed routine during the match like in ice skating.
A recent survey among Americans showed fairly strong support for MMA as an Olympic sport. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think we need gay porn in the Olympics. Let’s keep it family friendly kids.
They did remove baseball and softball from the lineup. Seems fair. We’ve got baseball season going now and nobody outside the US and certain Latin American countries really cares about it. And they’ve probably pacified the lesbians missing softball by adding women’s boxing. All good!
Alrighty… Saddle up your couch and bring out the fattening food kids… That Tivo is going to fill up fast!
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