Today we’re interviewing a man by the name of Hershel Benkowitz who recently created the world’s largest latke for last year’s Hanukkah celebration.
Q: Mr. Benkowitz, what was your motivation for preparing the world’s largest latke?
B: Well, my mother said I’d never amount to anything and I wanted to show her I could do something spectacular. Plus I had some extra potatos I wanted to use before they went bad.
Q: I see. So it was for the fame and the love of your mother?
B: And to use up the potatoes.
Q: Yes, of course. And I imagine you must have a very large family to eat your giant latke?
B: Well, no. I’m an only child and never married.
Q: Ah, but your mother will be joining you, of course.
B: No, my mother recently got remarried to her Mexican pool boy and moved to Mexico City.
Q: Ok. Is it hard for her to be Jewish in Mexico?
B: I don’t know. I haven’t heard from her in 3 years. In her last letter she briefly mentioned converting to Catholicism so she can eat the shrimp coming in off the coast.
Q: So, Mr. Benkowitz, tell us how you constructed your masterpiece. You obviously don’t have a pan 45 feet wide.
B: No, of course not. I made section of the latke one at a time and laid them out end to end. I tried sewing them together with thread, but it didn’t work very well. So I opted for plastic cement flavored with basil and olive oil.
Q: Wonderful. And where can the public view this amazing dish?
B: In my back yard.
Q: Outdoors? Have you had any problems with the local wildlife eating it?
B: No, but a few birds have created nests in it. A brood of sparrows just hatched in the northeast corner last week. And a few flys have gotten to it as well. So there are a few maggots in parts of it.
Q: And so what will you do with the latke when public interest has waned?
B: Throw it in the trash.
Q: Really?
B: Yes.
Q: You’re going to take 700 pounds of potatoes and all your hard work and just toss it?
B: Yes.
Q: Well, that’s kind of wasteful, don’t you think?
B: But who would want to eat it with the bird droppings and maggots and baby spider sacs?
Q: I’ll have you know Mr. Benkowitz that maggots are high in protein and considered a delicacy in some third world countries. And you are going to simply throw the whole thing out!? Mr. Benkowitz, you area a wretched little man who will amount to nothing in the world.
B: Have you been talking to my mother?
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