I need a better car horn.

I drive a little Japanese car and it’s great.  Except it has a little Japanese horn.  “meep”

The thing gets awesome mileage.  I can get from San Jose to LA on one tank.  Can’t beat it for a non-hybrid.

But that tiny little horn doesn’t intimidate anyone.  It’s like, “Excuse me please.  I’m sorry, excuse me please.”  That horn wouldn’t get you to the middle of the row in a theater.

I need a bigger horn.  Not one of those big stupid “hurghhh”  “I’ve got a really tiny dick” kind of air horns.  But something that sounds bigger than a hamster fart, you know?

I’m surprised with the popularity of custom products and things like cell phone ringtones that we haven’t gone back to custom horns.  Like we had “Dixie horn” back in the 70’s.

I mean you could have classy ones.  You could be driving along in your Lexus and it plays “Fur Elise”.  That would make screaming “Move it Asshole!” just a little classier too.  “Flight Of The Valkyrie” would get you some attention at the Sonic.

I just want a horn that goes “whoop” like a police siren.  People will hear that and get the hell out of your lane quick.

Maybe I’ll just stick a clown horn and a bicycle bell on my car.  It’ll be more effective than what I’ve got now.

Phil Johnson

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