"Yeah, I had to get out of that cave. I couldn't get any bars in there. Ok, so WHO was dragging me through the streets last Friday?"

So, it’s Good Friday, the day Jesus died.  What’s good about it, I have no idea.  If I were dragged through the streets then hung from a cross, that’s gotta be the definition of a bad day.  I won’t say it’s THE bad day.  My internet was out for a whole day once last year after all.  But it’s got to be one of the most famous bad days.  It seems even too goody-two-shoes for religious zealots to call that a good day.  Maybe the Romans named it.

And certainly, the extra turn of the knife was to do it on a Friday.  Totally blew his whole weekend.  Ever wake up on Sunday morning and not remember what happened the rest of the weekend?  Yep, Jesus had his lost weekend too.  The first thing he did when he got out of the cave was probably to call a friend and ask how much he had to drink at the last supper.  “Dude, do I need to apologize to anyone?  Did I tag that waitress from the supper?  Why do you keep calling it the LAST supper?  I’m hungry now.  Let’s go to Denny’s.”

It has been suggested that to me that maybe Jesus was just narcoleptic.  But then we might have heard snoring coming from the cross, yeah?

In the past this day has also been called Black Friday, which seems a little more appropriate.  But you can’t use that name without people lining up at Walmart at 2am to get the best deals.  Though honestly, someone getting trampled at a Best Buy over a $49 blu-ray player does seem like it fits the theme of the day better.

I think it’s fortunate though that even Hallmark hasn’t been able to commercialize Good Friday yet.  There’s no card that says, “On this special day, may you also be deserted by your friends and accused of treason.”

Traditionally Good Friday is a fasting day for Catholics.  But unlike Jews, Muslims, and Hindus, fasting for a Catholic means one small meal and two snacks.  It’s not really a fast.  More of a diet plan.  They might be able to sell the idea better if they called it “The Crucifixion Diet”.  “Get lean, toned abs just like Jesus!”  I think they’d get more people to buy in that way.

Although you’re supposed to abstain from meat for some reason.  “How are you serving the Lord today?”…. “I’m avoiding chicken.” I guess for the diet plan to work you’d have to get your protein from somewhere else.  Not sure if they had tofu back in J-Dog’s day.  Technically you could have a small meal of mashed potatoes and chili, plus a Hershey bar and a trip to Baskin Robbins and you’re still within the bounds of propriety.  Ok, now THAT’s what I call a Good Friday.