Easter Explanations and Zombie Jesus

Well, it’s Easter time again. According to this Yahoo article today the Last Supper actually took place a day earlier than previously thought.  Wednesday instead of Thursday.  All this confusion could have been avoided if Jesus had just left his Day Planner behind in the grave he rose from.

The difference in opinion seems to be because John was using a different calendar from Matthew, Mark, and Luke.  Once again… Day Planners, people.  But then again our calendar is based on some very arbitrary ideas anyway.  The Gregorian calendar we use now is different from what any of them were using.  For all we know Jesus rose from the dead on Super Bowl Sunday.  Then again, maybe not.  Nobody would have been paying attention unless he had a half-time commercial.

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By the way, if you’re not religious, but still like to get down with the chocolate bunnies and such, you can celebrate Zombie Jesus Day.

Equally as likely, don’t you think?
Acts 2:24
But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him

John 6:53
Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you”

A quote from Dr. R.L. Hymers: “Christ told Thomas to put his hand into the hole in His side, made by the soldier’s spear when He was on the Cross.  My point is this: Christ said for the Disciples to look at the holes in His hands, His feet, and His side. Blood would have flowed out of those wounds, if there had been any Blood left in His resurrected “flesh and bone” body. But there was no Blood left in His Body. The Blood had already been resurrected by the power of God.”

So, a bloodless corpse rises from the dead and saunters on up to you and offers up his gaping wounds for a little look-see.  Sounds like Paul saw Zombieland too many times.

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I’ve been racking my brain to remember where I saw this particular quote.  Knew I should have looked it up when I saw it.  It was saying that the first mention of “drink my blood, eat my flesh” isn’t at the Last Supper.  It’s actually earlier in the bible when Jesus is preaching to some group, as he was apt to do.

Jesus was getting frustrated because the group was not getting it.  And so he starts pushing their buttons a bit and telling them they need to drink his blood and eat his flesh.  Mostly to get their attention and possibly as some freaky metaphor.  Mostly he was just fucking with them.  Man, some nights on stage I can really identify with that one.

I’ll continue to research this one because finding the text of Jesus hate-fucking a crowd would be classic.  Yes, that’s what comics call it when we beat a crowd up from the stage.

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Everyone always wonders where the Easter traditions of bunnies and chocolate and stuff come from.  Chocolate is easy.  ANY reason is a good reason for chocolate.  Hell, if zombies attacked today I know people who would grab a Snickers bar before saving the family albums.

The bunny thing is a little tougher, but I think I’ve figured it out.  The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. While the Romans instigated the Jews into knocking ‘ol J-Dog around.  I believe it was the KRC that was behind the Romans.  Crafty little thing.

So, celebrate this Sunday with chocolate, vampire and zombie movies, and stuff yourself full of your favorite flesh and blood (tough one for vegetarian Christians, eh?) and ask yourself WTFWZJD?

Phil Johnson
http://www.RoadsideAttraction.com

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