Doing manly men stuff

I’ve never been the macho man type.  I don’t watch sports, I don’t hunt, not interested in firearms (except when it comes to particularly stupid people), and I can’t fix a car to save my life.

My girlfriend likes to joke that it doesn’t matter what’s wrong with my car, I’ll check the oil, water, and air in the tires.  That’s the extent of my automotive prowess.

But today, my friend, I learned how to install tire chains.  See I’m going on tour to Idaho and Montana in a couple weeks.  Because for some reason I can never get booked in Florida or Texas in the winter.  And up til this point, I’ve had good luck with roads being clear of snow.  But from what I’m hearing from other comics and bookers, it’s been pretty sloppy white up there.

And to my surprise I was actually able to install the chains fairly easily and without endangering my own life or that of others.  Things don’t always go that smoothly.  I can no longer install additional memory in my laptop because I broke off the part that holds it in.  And then there was the episode of having to clean raspberry smoothie off my kitchen ceiling.

Installing the chains was easy.  Taking them off, easy.  Did it twice.  With snow gloves on.  Getting them back in the box was more difficult that getting North Korea to defuse their nuclear program.  The instruction say “roll them up together and place them back in the box”.  It’s kind of like rolling partially cooked steel spaghetti.  It took me longer to roll the stupid things up and squish the box lid shut than to put them on in the first place.

And I know when I open them on the side of some snowy road they’re going to spring out like a jack in the box, more tangled than a hooker’s hair after work.

But it feels good to do a manly thing once in awhile.  My girlfriend of course would tell you I do manly things quite often.  Like forgetting to do things she tells me.  Or missing items in the pantry that are right in front of me.

So to continue my manly day I’m going to BBQ hamburgers tonight.  That’s right… BBQ in the middle of winter.  Ok, so it’s California and it’s 70 degrees outside.  But let me have my moment, will ya?

Phil Johnson

PS… If you haven’t heard my music and comedy yet, you can sample it risk free with 8 free MP3s at

Listen to the Song Of The Day right here!  Brand New World
As a person who often has trouble dealing with change, this song was written as a lesson to myself, if not others, about making the best of that change. It’s about not looking back, but looking forward and knowing that you have to go on and you can’t give up.

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