Animal Hats Make My Eyeballs Hurt

Hey, you know what's cool? Neither does this guy.

When I was a kid at Disneyland, I would see people wearing all their mouse ears and goofy hats.  And I’d think, wouldn’t it be great if the regular world were open and creative enough to let people wear weird hats on a daily basis.

And recently I see this guy wearing a knit panda bear hat with huge black ears and I thought, “I was wrong.  He looks like an idiot.”

He’s acting like he’s all cool, but you just can’t trust a doctor in a panda hat.

For the most part it’s kids and teenagers that wear them.  Little emo pre-hipsters.  They may as well be drinking PBR out of a Capri Sun bag, cuz that’s where they’re headed.

I think that’s when you really become an adult.  When you look at people younger than you and think, “Do they know they look that stupid?”

I think if you timed it right in the course of your own personal development and, on a Wednesday look at your picture and go, “Man, I look good.”  And on Thursday, “What the hell was I thinking?!”

They don’t realize that in 20 years those pictures of them wearing an animal on their head are STILL going to be on facebook. It will no longer take a resourceful mother to show your embarrassing kid pictures to people.  The internet is now everyone’s embarrassing mother.

The internet will happily go, “And here’s a picture of little Johnny after his first beer, passed out in the alley behind the bar with a knit monkey hat on his head, his pants around his ankles and a cock drawn on his face.  I’m sure he’ll make an excellent addition to your company.”

That’s an advantage that anyone over 30 right now has.  All those horrible pictures of you following every high school fad can be hidden away in a box and/or thrown in a fire.

The only way to avoid ridicule over your odd early life fashion choices is to do what I do.  Continue to look ridiculous.

Phil Johnson

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