American Extremism

We hear a lot about “extremists” in other countries.  But we have extremism here in America too.  And I don’t mean the “we don’t need to learn how to land it” type extremists.  Maybe call them “Capitalist Extremists”.

I walked into Burger King and ordered a whopper.  The lady asks me if I want to try the triple whopper.  Triple whopper!  That’s a patty, then a tomato, then a patty, then some lettuce, then a patty, then some cheese, then some more cheese, then an entire side of beef.

I told her I don’t have enough medical insurance to order the triple whopper.  For the record, she agreed with me that it was a bad idea.  That’s extreme.  That’s the kind of burger than nobody would miss if it weren’t there.  And yet, as I sat having lunch in that small midwestern town, I saw triple whoppers being ordered one after another.

Let’s just say, I sold out of my XXL t-shirts quickly at that evening’s show.

There are women walking around carrying a $400 purse that has $12 and a maxed out credit card in it.  And they waited IN LINE to get into the Coach store they bought it at.  Waited in line…. to buy a purse.  Is the purse magic?  Does it somehow make one’s life easier?  Does it function better than a $20 purse?

Super rich people with lots of things aren’t extreme.  In fact after reading The Millionaire Mind, I discovered that many rich people are actually quite frugal.  But even if they aren’t, they’ve got the dough.  Regular people seem to be playing Financial Survivor.  How much can I get/use/eat/buy before my life implodes?  That’s extremist capitalism to me.

We do it with everything… 4 hour porn videos.  Who needs 4 hours of porn? Most guys don’t get through the opening credits.  It’s “starring Julie Jugs” and boom done.  Right there.

Besides you can’t jangle your junk for four hours.  It’ll come out of there looking like the loser in a boxing match.  The head will be all broken, knocked off to the side.

“I don’t know Howard.  I thought I was going to be able to last make it through the last round.  Then he started doing this weird twisting thing and I just lost it.  But I have to thank God for letting me get that far.  I do it all for God.”

In fact I recently walked past an adult video store near a venue I was performing at.  It was the kind with little theaters in it.  They were advertising an all-day pass.  That doesn’t even seem physically possible.  Maybe if they weren’t sitting in a little sticky black room all day, those guys could earn some money to buy a computer and DSL and get their abundance of porn online like the rest of the world.

And watch out because the Lexus LS 600h will be coming out in a few months.  It’s a hybrid that’s all green and environmentally friendly.  And it will cost $104,000.  And I guarantee you, people who have never seen $104k will be trying to buy one.

Ok, can you tell I’ve been thinking about what to buy my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day?  Maybe I just need to go shopping.

Phil Johnson

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