A Not-So-Gentlemanly Gentleman’s Club

This looks like a palace compared to the one I saw...

I was driving back home the morning after a show with two other comedians, through some real back woods area of California.  There’s nothing at all around and then we spot a shack on the right.  A very small, run down old building with the words Gentleman’s Club painted across the entire front of it.  And it’s open… at 11am.

How far down the stripper pole do you need to fall to be stripping for hillbillies in a shed in the woods at 11am?  I wouldn’t think that it’s a very tough business to move up in.  They don’t exactly require ivy league diplomas.

And lord only knows what shows up on Amateur Night.

I don’t understand the term Gentleman’s Club.  The picture of 15 drunken frat boys yelling “show us your tits!” doesn’t exactly say “gentleman” to me.   It says “We should all fear for the future.”

A gentleman’s club should be more like this:

“My dear Reginald, would you like another spot of cognac?”

“Why yes, I would thank you very much.  Alistair, you simply must see this girl’s vagina.”

“Ah yes, it’s quite exquisite.  Like a fresh morning rose covered in dew.”

“Reginald, I think I’ll give this girl a dollar for her aforementioned college fund.  Dear girl, come this way.  Please take this dollar for your college fund.  If not that, then be sure to take advantage of the 401k I’m sure your employer offers. Though it appears you have no pockets, so I’m not sure where you’ll put… Oh dear… That doesn’t seem sanitary.”

“Let me help you back up onto the stage.  Ah watch your step, there’s a puddle of God knows what just here.  Allow me to put my coat over it for you.  There you go.  Back to work now dear.  We do so enjoy that ping pong ball trick you do.”

Now, THAT would be a gentleman’s club.

Phil Johnson

MP3 Song Of The Day: Rumpalicious Booty Shaker (from the CD “Ribbed For Your Pleasure”)
This song is about that night club that you always hear about, but no one you know has ever been too. A seedy place where the beats pump hard and the dance floor is full of sweaty, horny people. A place where the darkest corners hold the naughtiest vices of the flesh. And, at the door, is our protagonist inviting you in for the time of your life. Will you go?

Get 8 free songs to download from me at http://www.roadsideattraction.com/8-free-songs

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